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This is day 96 of 2016. There are 270 days remaining.


• Former Secretary of State Colin Powell is 79

• Max Gail (Barney Miller) is 73

• Agnetha Faltskog (Abba) is 66

• Mitch Pileggi (The X Files) is 64

• Pharrell Williams (The Voice) is 43

• Hayley Atwell (Marvel’s Agent Carter) is 34

• Actress Lily James (Cinderella, Downton Abbey) is 27


• 1987: Married with Children debuted on Fox TV

• 1990: A Gulfport, Mississippi, man discovered that his house has been stolen. Not only that, but police had escorted the thieves and the house out of town.

• 1993: Sherry Davis became the first female public-address-system announcer at a major league baseball park. She won the San Francisco Giant’s job over 499 others who auditioned.

• 1994: Singer Kurt Cobain committed suicide in his home. His body was found on April 8.

• 1998: A sheep being held on the roof of a Cairo apartment building for slaughter during a religious festival decided he’d rather commit suicide and jumped off the roof, breaking gas pipes when he landed, causing a gas leak, and forcing evacuation of the building.

• 1999: Thieves forced open a display case at the Criminals Hall of Fame Museum in Niagara Falls, Ontario, and walked out with life-size wax figure of Adolph Hitler.

• 2005: ABC News anchor Peter Jennings informed his viewers that he had lung cancer. It was his final broadcast.

• 2008: A guy in Marshall County, Kentucky, posted a special spoon for sale on eBay. The spoon had an image of Jesus on it.


• Equal Pay Day

• Deep Dish Pizza Day

• Read A Road Map Day

• Caramel Day


• May 30: Memorial Day

• June 20: Summer begins

More holidays


20: Percentage of third-graders who have a cellphone.


Customers at a buffet restaurant in Connecticut were arrested after they got into a fight over the crab legs. [The restaurant had to temporarily close, but it’s now reopened with a new advertising slogan: “Our crab legs are so good they’re criminal.”]

Astronomers at Columbia University say they have devised a way to hide our planet from hostile aliens — cloak the earth using giant lasers. [“Shhh! Everybody stay quiet. Maybe the aliens will think we’re not home.”]

Astronomers at Columbia University say they have devised a way to hide our planet from hostile aliens — cloak the earth using giant lasers. [I doubt aliens would ever want to rule the earth. Once they’ve met us they’re not going to want to stay.]

Have you seen that video of the California Highway Patrol pursuing a Chihuahua across a bridge? [It was wanted on charges of being just too darn cute.]

Researchers in Sweden have developed transparent wood. [We’ve just entered a new golden age for peeping toms.]

Researchers in Sweden have developed transparent wood. [Because apparently, I don’t already stub my toes on furniture quite enough.]

Figures show that there’s been a huge increase in the number of senior citizens taking firearms training. [“Help, I’m fallen, and I can’t get up to reload!”]

Did you enjoy the NCAA Championship last night (Monday)? [It was nice for a change to have a contest on TV that wasn’t a debate.]

The census data shows that in just a few years the U.S. will have more senior citizens than toddlers. [TV will be filled with shows like Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ Chiropractor and The Amazing Mobility Chair Race.]

Hallandale Beach in Florida is covered with thousands of jellyfish that have washed ashore. [Same sad old story — jellyfish overindulging during spring break.]


SELF-DRIVING CARS CONFUSED BY SHABBY U.S. ROADS _ Volvo’s North American CEO lost his cool as the automaker’s semi-autonomous prototype sporadically refused to drive itself during a press event at the Los Angeles Auto Show. The CEO griped to LA’s mayor, “It can’t find the lane markings! You need to paint the bloody roads here!” Shoddy roads have been a sore spot with American drivers for decades. But now small things like poorly-painted or faded lane markings are forcing automakers to develop more sophisticated sensors and maps to compensate.

… FYI: An estimated 65 percent of U.S. roads are in poor condition. Not what automakers want as they work to make their cars more and more autonomous.

… Mercedes isn’t waiting for the U.S. to fix its roads. It’s newest system works even with no lane markings. The system — which incorporates 23 sensors — takes into account guard rails, barriers, and other cars to keep cars in their lanes up to 84 miles per hour.

STUDY: THOSE WHO CALL OUT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS ARE ‘JERKS’ _ People with poor spelling and grammar think those who police spelling and grammar are jerks. In a study (University of Michigan), participants were asked to review some emails. Those who were most bothered by errors tended to be “less agreeable”. Errors included misspellings — such as “auout” instead of “about” — and using “their” and “there,” or “you’re” and “your” incorrectly.

MAN CLAIMS HE WAS SWALLOWED BY A WHALE _ Is it possible for a human being to survive after being swallowed whole by a whale? Several websites — including Indian newspaper Indian Express — have reported about the story of a Spanish man who claims to have survived for 72 hours inside a whale after he was swallowed whole by the mammal.

… It’s probably a hoax. Except for Indian Express, no credible news agency or newspaper has reported the incident. The story talks about a Spanish fisherman identified as Luigi Marquez. Luigi was reported to have drowned at sea after he went overboard during a storm that hit the Spanish coast back in March. The story claims the Spanish Coast Guard searched for the man for several days with no luck. However, three days after he was reportedly lost at sea, Luigi emerged alive with an unbelievable story to tell. He claimed he was swallowed whole by a whale and spent three days inside the huge animal before he was “flushed away” by the whale.

… He claims the only thing that kept him alive were the raw fish he ate and the light from his waterproof watch.

NURSE GETS PIZZA HE DIDN’T ORDER: A SURPRISING NOTE _ A Texas (Paris) nurse is mad after he made a late-night Domino’s Pizza order and received a hand-written message on the box. The note said: “We would appreciate it very much if you didn’t wait until 5 minutes before we close.” The nurse admits he placed the order to the Domino’s five minutes before the store closed at midnight.

FB icon Technically the customer did nothing wrong… right? Is there an unwritten rule like this where you work? Like if you work at a sit-down restaurant, you hate it when people come in 15 minutes before closing.

MEN ARE JUST AS DRAMATIC AS WOMEN _ Think women are more dramatic than men? A study (University of Texas) has found gender plays no role — men and women are equally likely to have a “need for drama”. One of the study’s lead authors said he decided to investigate dramatic tendencies after he realized a certain co-worker’s life seemed to continually be in crisis.

DEAD BODY FOUND AT DISNEYLAND PARIS _ A dead body — a real one, not one created for the attraction — was found inside the haunted mansion ride at Disneyland Paris Saturday morning. The 45-year-old park employee is believed to have been electrocuted while fixing a light fixture inside the ride, which is called Phantom Manor. Colleagues found him before the park opened, and the ride was shut down for an investigation.

BASEBALL FANS PARTICIPATED IN THE LONGEST FIRST PITCH EVER _ More than 2,000 fans helped set a new record at the Kansas City Royals season home opener on Sunday by lining up to complete the longest first pitch in baseball history. To kick off the Royals’ opening day World Series rematch against the New York Mets, a ball was tossed over nine miles through the streets of Kansas City. To participate in the Relay the Way event, fans donated to Kansas City’s MLB Urban Youth Academy in Kansas City, raising $100,000 for the organization.

… The pitch took four hours to complete, with 10 seconds allotted to each person to catch and throw the ball without dropping it.

DRIVER SURVIVES CLIFF CRASH, GETS STRUCK BY BUS _ A California driver lost control of his SUV, which slammed into a guardrail and hung precariously over the side of the cliff. The man was disoriented and when he got out of the vehicle he stepped into lanes of traffic and was struck by a tour bus. The man was conscious and breathing when he was rushed to a hospital following the two crashes.

CANDY THEFT COULD MEAN 20 YEARS TO LIFE _ A Louisiana man accused of stuffing $31 worth of candy bars into his pockets faces a possible sentence of 20 years to life in prison. Prosecutors chose to charge Jacobia Grimes under a statute that boosts the alleged candy theft to a felony. The law applies to people who have been convicted of “theft of goods” at least twice. Grimes has five prior theft convictions, making him a “quad” offender under the state’s habitual-offender law. The possible sentence raised questions with the judge, who said, “Isn’t this a little over the top? Twenty years to life for a Snickers bar, or two or three or four.”

CHIHUAHUA LEADS POLICE ON CHASE ACROSS BAY BRIDGE _ A Chihuahua is in animal custody after leading police on a chase across the Oakland-San Francisco Bay Bridge. The California Highway Patrol tweeted the small black dog “led us on quite a chase” Sunday and posted a video of it running furiously on the upper level of the bridge while being trailed by a motorcycle officer. After it was captured, the Chihuahua was taken to an animal shelter where staff members named it Ponch, after the CHP Officer Frank Poncherello played by Erik Estrada in the TV series CHiPs.


WACKY-BUT-TRUE: SUMMER VACATION IDEA: POO MUSEUM OPENS ITS DOORS _ In England, a museum dedicated to excrement has opened to the public at the Isle of Wight Zoo features feces from animals such as elks and lions as well as a human baby. The National Poo Museum has been created by members of an artist collective. Museum co-curator Daniel Roberts says, “Poo is all around us and inside us, but we ignore it. Twenty illuminated resin spheres at the poo museum show off the different types of poo with facts hidden behind toilet lids on the museum walls. The display also includes fossilized poo dating back 140 million years.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: FLIGHT ATTENDANT PULLED EMERGENCY SLIDE, WALKED AWAY _ A United Airlines flight attendant pulled the emergency slide and exited a parked plane at George Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston on Monday morning. The flight from Sacramento landed at the airport and taxied for five minutes. After the Boeing 737 made a complete stop at the gate, the flight attendant opened the plane’s front door, deployed the emergency slide, slid out and walked away. The airline removed the flight attendant “from her flying duties.”

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: MAN STRIPPED OFF HIS CLOTHES AFTER BEING ARRESTED _ A 30-year-old Florida man took off all his clothes at a sheriff’s substation after being charged with a domestic crime. There was nothing in his arrest report to indicate officers thought he was under the influence of anything.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: CAR CATCHES FIRE IN BURGER KING DRIVE-THRU _ A man waiting in the drive-thru lane of a Burger King in Wareham, Massachusetts, had his vehicle catch fire, and was unaware until another person alerted him. The car fire spread to the drive-thru overhang and part of the restaurant.


AMERICAN IDOL (8p ET, FOX) — The 3 night series finale begins with this 90-minute retrospective featuring host Ryan Seacrest, current and former judges (including the original 3 Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson), contestants and the behind-the-scenes team sharing their memories.

NCIS (8p ET, CBS) — DiNozzo’s identity is stolen in this new episode, and the thieves use his name to blackmail senators. Matt McCoy (The Hand the Rocks the Cradle) and Virginia Williams (Fairly Legal) guest star.

THE VOICE (8p ET, NBC) — This new edition features the best moments of the season so far, and includes never-before-seen footage of coaches Christina Aguilera, Adam Levine, Blake Shelton and Pharrell Williams.

FRESH OFF THE BOAT (8p ET, ABC) — Jessica is obsessed with TV show Melrose place in this new episode. Melrose Place alum Courtney Thorne-Smith guest stars.

THE FLASH (8p ET, CW) — Repeat

THE REAL O’NEALS (8:30p ET, ABC) — Eileen’s strict, Catholic-abiding mother, Grandma Agnes (guest star Frances Conroy, American Horror Story), arrives unannounced in this new episode.

NCIS: NEW ORLEANS (9p ET, CBS) — In this new episode, a Navy lieutenant is murdered during a traditional funeral procession.

MARVEL’S AGENT OF S.H.E.I.L.D. (9p ET, ABC) — In this new episode, after Daisy gets a horrifying glimpse of the future, the team tries to prove that fate is not fixed.

CHICAGO MED (9p ET, NBC) — In this new episode, a husband has an unusual request after the death of his wife.

IZOMBIE (9p ET, CW) — Liv and Babineaux investigate the death of a highly competitive student in this new episode.

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE (9:30p ET, FOX) — Amy goes undercover at a women’s prison and befriend one of the prisoners (guest star Aida Turturro, The Sopranos) in this new episode.

LIMITLESS (10p ET, CBS) — In this new episode, Rebecca takes NZT to seek justice for her father’s murder.

BEYOND THE TANK (10p ET, ABC) — In this new edition, the creators of Drop Stop are experiencing growing pains, plus they make an appearance on Adam Carolla’s podcast.

CHICAGO FIRE (10p ET, NBC) — Brett witnesses a murder while on a call in this new episode.

SEASON FINALE: THE PEOPLE V. O.J. SIMPSON: AMERICAN CRIME STORY (10p ET, FX) — As this edition ends, closing statements are given and the jury announces the verdict. The second season of American Crime Story will center on Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath.


FOOD NETWORK IS AIRING A TV SHOW FOCUSED ON BAD YELP REVIEWS _ Food Network has announced a new show featuring Yelp reviewers called 12 Hungry Yelpers, where restaurant owners read scathing Yelp reviews and improve their businesses based on Yelpers’ opinions. Yelp is partnering with Food Network on the show, which should air this fall.

JENNIFER ANISTON STILL HAS SOME OF HER FRIENDS WARDROBE _ Jennifer Aniston says she’s pleased the 1990s look has come back around (it has?) because she kept some of her Friends wardrobe, including red squared-toe loafers.

GWYNETH PALTROW PAYS BUMBLEBEES TO STING HER _ Gwyneth Paltrow consciously uncouples. She eats beauty products. Now, she employs bees to sting her in the name of perfect skin. Recently, the creator of the lifestyle site Goop gave an interview about her beauty regime to The New York Times and highlighted a particularly strange routine she’s tried in the past. She told The New York Times that she’s tried apitherapy, or ‘bee therapy,’ for beauty purposes. Paltrow told the Times: “I’m open to anything. I’ve been stung by bees. It’s a thousands of years old treatment called apitherapy. People use it to get rid of inflammation and scarring. It’s actually pretty incredible if you research it. But, man, it’s painful.”

GAME OF THRONES IS GETTING ITS OWN AFTER SHOW _ Game of Thrones is getting its own recap after-show. Titled After the Thrones, the show will be similar to The Walking Dead’s after-show, Talking Dead. After the Thrones will entertain “absurd and not-so-absurd” theories about Game of Thrones following each new episode of season 6 on Mondays on HBO. Viewers can see it on HBO Go, HBO Now and HBO On Demand.

BOND CALLS FOR MORE FUNDING FOR UN ANTI-MINE AGENCY _ British actor Daniel Craig on Monday called for more funding for the U.N. agency that defuses mines and other unexploded ordnance, saying the work it does increases the chances of survival for people and aid workers in conflict zones around the world. Craig, who has played agent 007 in four James Bond movies, was appointed Global Advocate for the Elimination of Mines and Explosive Hazards last year by the U.N. Secretary-General.

DAVE BAUTISTA CONFIRMS ‘BLADE RUNNER 2’ INVOLVEMENT _ It was a pretty big hint that Dave Bautista shared over the weekend when a photo of him holding an origami unicorn emerged. The actor has delivered the exciting news himself and confirmed that he is indeed joining the Blade Runner sequel in an important supporting role. In a Twitter video posted on Monday, Bautista said, “As speculated, I am proud and privileged and honored to announce that I am joining the cast of the new Blade Runner. I’m very excited about this project and very grateful that I was able to bring this news to you myself. I couldn’t be more proud. Another dream come true.”

… The Guardians of the Galaxy star joins Harrison Ford who is reprising his role as Rick Deckard. Ryan Gosling and Robin Wright were also announced as part of the cast though their roles are yet known.

MILEY CYRUS CAT ATTACK LEAVES SINGER’S FACE SCRATCHED AND BLOODIED _ Miley Cyrus had a cat fight. The singer was left bloodied after a cat scratched her up. Miley shared three photos on Instagram on Monday following her feline mishap. Cyrus did not state if the cat that left her cut up and bleeding was hers, only referring to it repeatedly as “a pussy cat.” Her expletive-laden posts that accompanied the pictures of her head, face and arms scratched up also had numerous crying cat emojis. In one shot, Cyrus is seen with a pink towel wrapped on her head above multiple scratches and cuts on her forehead. A second picture shows the top of her head, with blood mixed in her bleached blonde hair. And the third image reveals two deep scratches that are red and raised. • INSTAGRAM (Her account has some NSFW images.)

ALEC BALDWIN, SCOTT EASTWOOD TEAM FOR COP THRILLER _ Alec Baldwin and Scott Eastwood are teaming to star in Crown Vic, a futuristic cop thriller. The movie is about a young, idealistic rookie (Eastwood) who is partnered with a grizzled vet (Baldwin). The younger cop is appalled at the older man’s cynical take on the job, but before the end of the night he will find his own ideals tested and compromised.

VOICE OF ADMIRAL ACKBAR IN ‘STAR WARS’ FILMS DIES AT 93 _ Erik Bauersfeld, who voiced the Rebellion’s Admiral Ackbar in Return of the Jedi and Star Wars: The Force Awakens, has died. He was 93.

JON STEWART TURNED DOWN ROLE IN THE FORCE AWAKENS _ Comedian and TV host Jon Stewart rejected the opportunity to appear in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. According to the Force Awakens team, Stewart wanted to play a good guy but Stormtroopers were the only characters left for the taking. So rather than cross over to the dark side, he opted not to be in the movie at all.

KATEY SAGAL JOINS DIRTY DANCING _ Katey Sagal has been cast in the ABC musical event Dirty Dancing. The Sons of Anarchy actress will play Vivian Pressman, a recently-divorced former beauty queen who sets her sights on younger men like Colt Prattes’ Johnny Castle.

FERRIS BUELLER’S PARENTS INVITED YOU TO FERRIS FEST _ Back in February, we learned that Chicago would play host to Ferris Fest, a special 30th anniversary celebration of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. There’s a whole slew of events, including a screening of the movie and a tour of filming locations in and around Chicago. Now the first promo has brought Ferris Bueller’s parents, played by Cindy Pickett and Lyman Ward, into the mix to help promote the event from a very familiar house. • VIDEO

… Probably shouldn’t count on Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck or Mia Sara popping up, otherwise they would be publicized as being part of the event.

CHELSEA HANDLER SLAMS DONALD TRUMP USING HER NEARLY BARE BODY _ Chelsea Handler slammed Donald Trump by writing a message on her nearly stripped down body. The 41-year-old comedian wrote “Trump is a butt hole” across her back and bottom while posing without a shirt. • INSTAGRAM

NEW ON DVD TODAY _ Released April 5.

• Star Wars 7: The Force Awakens

• By the Sea

• Episodes – The 4th Season

• The Odd Couple – Season 1


Newest on the PRO AUDIO page.

• DROPS: Baseball clips package.

• DROP: We are gonna try something different — not putting in time or effort.

• PHONER: Worst driver in our area. A great Facebook post you can turn into a phoner. Tell us about the time you got into an embarrassing accident. (1 real caller)



This listener-driven quiz reveals how well you and your co-hosts know your history, or math, or something more. Listeners call and say how old they are without using a number. You guys try to guess the listeners’ ages.

Example: “Orwell wrote a novel about my birth year.”

Example: “Principal walked into my junior year English class to announce Kennedy’s assassination.”

Example: “Old enough that I’m technically not a teenager, but I’m not old enough to drink.”


Concerts, fairs, festivals, theme parks, zoos… lots going on in your market this spring/summer/fall.

Use social media to find a listener with above-average grammar skills and a good personality to be your station Summer Entertainment Reporter.

They get:

• Tickets to every concert.

• Tickets into local theme parks.

• Drink/meal tickets to local festivals.

• Tickets to local favorite attractions, like zoos.

Their job is to snap good photos and send them to your webmaster with a short review of the event/attraction.

This is good, local blog content that you can then share on social media and talk about on your shows.

If they’re good enough for on-air, have them preview upcoming events and review the things they attended.

Be sure to hook ’em up with lots of station gear!

If they work out, you keep them into fall and longer.


Looking for the “next” beauty secret? It might come from South Korea.

• Mizon Snail Slime Range – The high concentration of snail ‘secretion’ has significant protective and nourishing qualities. Slather the Snail Wrinkle Care Night Cream on at night and wake up to a plumped and lifted complexion.

• Besolbo Royal Salmon Egg Sleeping Renewal Pack – Salmon eggs are used by South Koreans with skin troubles such as acne, fine lines, dark spots or rough skin.

• Tony Moly Pure Farm Pig Collagen Jelly Cream – The collagen is extracted from ‘pasture-raised organic pigs.’ Enhanced hydration, and significantly increased skin elasticity are the promises here.


In the shower you’re alone with no distractions. It’s just you and your thoughts. On a Reddit board called Shower Thoughts people share what things they thought of while shower.

• The saying “You win some, you lose some” is only brought up when you lose one.

• When you break up with someone all you remember is the bad stuff. When someone breaks up with you all you remember is the good stuff.

• Marriage is betting half of your possessions that you’ll be with someone for the rest of your life.

• When I was younger, I always had to ‘grow into’ clothes that didn’t quite fit. Now that I’m older I buy clothes that don’t quite fit with the hope that I ‘shrink’ into them.

• A pizza is circular, but everyone eats it from the inside out. Everyone’s first bite starts at the exact center of the pizza.

• The first bottled water company was probably shocked when they realized they could sell water.

• Humans are the only invasive species that is aware of its own invasiveness and makes an attempt at regulating it.


TRIVIA: 7% of drivers say they don’t do this because it “adds excitement”. (Use a turn signal)

TRIVIA: 74% of us believe we’re above average at doing what? (Driving. Just 1% believe they’re below average.)


I’ll give you the first line of a movie and the last line of a movie, you give me the title.

Note: If you have multiple people on your show, have one do the first lines and another do the last lines.

• “As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.” / “I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.” (Goodfellas)

• “People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden…” / “You met me at a very strange time of my life.” (Fight Club)

• “Neighbors heard them screaming at each other, like for two hours, it was nothing new. Then they heard the gun go off, both barrels. Crime of passion.” / “Ernest Hemingway once wrote, ‘The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for.’ I agree with the second part.” (Seven)

• “Starling! Starling! Crawford wants to see you in his office.” / “I do wish we could chat longer, but I’m having an old friend for dinner.” (The Silences of the Lambs)


Dance diva.


The most convenient rest stop ever.


This is day 97 of 2016. There are 269 days remaining.


• Billy Dee Williams is 79

• John Ratzenberger is 69

• Marilu Henner is 64

• Paul Rudd (Ant-Man) is 47

• Zach Braff is 41

• Candace Cameron Bure is 40

• Charlie McDermott (The Middle) is 26


• 1896: The first modern Olympic Games opened in Athens, Greece.

• 1909: Explorers Robert E. Peary and Matthew A. Henson became the first men to reach the North Pole.

• 1930: Hostess Twinkies were invented.

• 1947: The first Tony Awards were presented for theatrical achievements.

• 1983: Interior Secretary James Watt banned the Beach Boys from the 4th of July celebration on the Washington Mall, saying rock ‘n’ roll bands attract the “wrong element.”

• 2004: The University of Connecticut became the first school to win the NCAA Division I men’s and women’s basketball titles in the same season as the women’s team beat Tennessee 70-61 for their third consecutive championship.

• 2007: A 105-year-old Romanian made his first ever trip to the doctor after eating a jar of pickles past their sell-by-date. The man took himself to the hospital and told doctors he’d had pains for two days and was worried it might be something serious. Doctors who performed a full check-up on him said he was very healthy for his age, and that he was probably suffering from indigestion. When they tried to access his records they found he had never been to a doctor in his life.


• Drowsy Driver Awareness Day

• National Student Athlete Day

• National Walking Day

• Caramel Popcorn Day


• May 30: Memorial Day

• June 20: Summer begins

More holidays