INTERPREP ★ MAY 23, 2016

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

AudioBits & BreaksCountry PrepDatebookDatebook TomorrowEntertainmentFun & GamesImage of the DayNews & NuggetsNews AttackNumber for the DayTelevisionVideo of the DayWacky-But-True


DATEBOOK: MAY 23, 2016

This is day 144 of 2016. There are 222 days remaining.

BIRTHDAYS

• Joan Collins is 83

• Author/journalist/broadcaster Mitch Albom is 58

• Drew Carey is 58

• Lea DeLaria (Orange Is the New Black) is 58

• Former MTV host Karen “Duff” Duffy (Dumb & Dumber, TV Nation) is 54

• Melissa McBride (The Walking Dead) is 51

• Trivia genius-turned-author Ken Jennings (Jeopardy) is 42

• Jewel is 42

• Tim Robinson (Saturday Night Live) is 35

IT HAPPENED TODAY

• 1873: The Canadian Parliament established the North West Mounted Police, the forerunner of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

• 1877: Grace Ingalls was born in Burr Oak, Iowa. Six months later, the Ingalls family returned to Walnut Grove, Minnesota. Grace’s sister, Laura, made the Ingalls famous with her “Little House” book series.

• 1929: The first talking cartoon of Mickey Mouse, The Karnival Kid, was released.

• 1933: Legendary American racehorse Seabiscuit was born

• 1934: Bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde were ambushed by police and killed in Black Lake, Louisiana.

• 1962: The NBA agreed to allow the Philadelphia Warriors to become the San Francisco Warriors. Later, they became the Golden State Warriors.

• 1984: The Surgeon General reported that smokers can inflict lung damage on non-smokers who inhale second-hand smoke.

• 1995: Thieves in Kenilworth, England, broke into a discount store and made off with 60 tubes of toothpaste.

• 2006: Then Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton got her first iPod. She called her taste in music a “total smorgasbord” with about 1,000 songs on her device, including Motown tunes, classical music and the Rolling Stones.

SPECIAL EVENTS

• National Safe Boating Week

• Hurricane Preparedness Week

• Healthy and Safe Swimming Week

• National Backyard Games Week

• Taffy Day

• World Turtle Day

UPCOMING

• May 30: Memorial Day

• June 20: Summer begins

More holidays


NUMBER FOR THE DAY

139: Average number of web searches made by someone interested in buying a car.


NEWS ATTACK!

Scientists just published a study that looked at why in recent years there has been an increase in shark attacks near popular beaches. [The conclusion was that most of the attacks aren’t intentional. People have gotten so fat that a shark can’t open his mouth without accidentally biting someone.]

Residents of a wooded Chicago neighborhood haven’t been getting their mail because their mail carrier refuses to go anywhere she sees a garter snake. [Or to those houses where people are so lazy that they leave their Christmas lights up all year.]

The Church of Scotland has ruled that its clergy is still forbidden to perform same-sex marriages, however, the clergy itself is now permitted to be a spouse in a same-sex marriage. [In other words, we’re about to see a lot of their members apply to become ministers.]

According to a new study, the Fitbit can be off by as many as 20 beats per minute. [Uh-oh. I think that means that Uncle Bob was still alive.]

A California high school had to recall its diplomas when it was discovered that the diplomas contained a misspelling. The word school was spelled “shcool.” [The sad part of the story is that it had to be explained to half the graduating class why that was a problem.]

On a passenger flight from the Dominican Republic to Montreal two tarantulas got loose, with one climbing up a lady’s leg. [But they still say that flying with a tarantula is statistically safer than driving with one.]

According to new research, trees may actually go to sleep. [And they hate it when they wake up in the middle of the night with a dog aiming at their trunk.]

They set a new world record in Italy by building the worlds’ longest pizza (1.15 miles). [They also set a new world record for building the world’s largest cardboard box.]

There’s now a new vodka on the market crafted from water droplets of San Francisco fog. [The vodka is so thick that you can cut it with a knife.]


NEWS & NUGGETS

EGYPTAIR PILOT MADE DISTRESS CALL, SPOKE WITH AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL _ Despite initial reports that there was no distress call from pilots of the doomed EgyptAir MS804, new evidence suggests that the pilot spoke to a Cairo air traffic controller for “several minutes” before the crash about smoke filling the cabin. The new revelation in the case makes it “less likely” that the crash was the result of a terrorist attack but investigators say they haven’t ruled out anything regarding the crash just yet as the source of the fire is still unknown.

CHEWBACCA MOM’S WHOLE FAMILY CAN NOW JOIN IN THE WOOKIEE FUN _ Update to the InterPrep Facebook Group. The Wookiee population in Texas has officially grown to four. Just days after Candace Payne’s video showing off a new Chewbacca toy mask went viral — and broke Facebook records — the Texas mom and her family got an even bigger surprise. Representatives from Kohl’s department store, where she had originally purchased the electronic mask, visited Payne’s home with more Star Wars goodies. Among the gifts were three additional growling masks — two for Payne’s children and one for her husband.

… In addition to toys, Kohl’s gave Payne $2,500 dollars in gift cards and 10,000 rewards points in honor of her recent birthday. • ORIGINAL VIDEOKOHL’S UPDATE

WALMART TAKES ON AMAZON PRIME WITH NEW SHIPPINGPASS _ Walmart is taking aim at Amazon’s loyal following by testing a service called ShippingPass that promises fast, free shipping. The premise of Walmart’s ShippingPass pilot program is simple: customers sign up to receive unlimited two-day shipping for $49 per year.

… Amazon’s Prime service charges $99 a year, though it comes with extras like streaming TV and movies.

GIRL GETS MORTAR BOARD IN THE FACE AT GRADUATION _ And this is why they tell grads not to throw their mortar boards at the end of the graduation ceremony. A University of Texas at Austin grad caught one in the face and caught it on her own smartphone. • VIDEO

DIPLOMA PRINTING ERROR EMBARRASSES HIGH SCHOOL _ Graduates at a California high school received a final reminder that spelling is important when they received diploma covers bearing the name “Ontario High Shcool” with school spelled s-h-c-o-o-l. The typo was an error made by the company that printed the diploma covers. All 550 grads will receive a corrected cover and an apology letter

ATTACKERS STEAL $12.7 MILLION IN ATM HEIST _ ATM robberies aren’t uncommon. Sometimes crooks forcibly break into a machine and make of with cash. Other times they use heavy machinery to simply haul off with it. Then there are the ATM robberies where someone uses technology to steal ATM numbers and pins and empties a machine. Then there’s the ATM robbery where, within two hours, $12.7 million in cash was stolen from 1,400 machines located at convenience stores all across Japan. Police suspect that the cash was withdrawn at ATMs using counterfeit credit cards containing account information leaked from a South African bank.

CHINA FABRICATES ABOUT 488 MILLION SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS EVERY YEAR _ For years, the Chinese government has been widely suspected of hiring thousands of paid commenters using fabricated accounts to argue in favor of the government on social media sites. This presumed army of trolls is dubbed the “50 Cent Party,” because of the rumored rate of pay per post — 50 cents in Chinese money, or about 8 cents in U.S. currency. But new research finds that those presumptions are inaccurate and the Chinese government’s use of fabricated posts is “way more sophisticated than anybody realized,” says Harvard professor Gary King. King and two other researchers analyzed a set of leaked emails from an Internet Propaganda Office in southern China. They found the commenters are actually government employees “who basically have one extra job to do,” rather than ordinary people working for a bit of extra cash.

… They estimate that the Chinese government fabricates about 488 million social media posts each year.

McDONALD’S RELEASES GREEN BURGER _ In China, McDonald’s unveiled a strange, bright green burger. The special burger was released in time for the Angry Birds movie, along with an even stranger looking red burger.

… The green burger is made up of pork, egg, lettuce and a secret jalapeño sauce in the middle of two bright green burger buns. • IMAGE

… The Super Red Burger is essentially the same as a double chicken sandwich but using two bright red buns instead.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE LUNCH HOUR? _ Wouldn’t it be great if we actually got a whole hour to eat a leisurely lunch before getting back to the grind? Not only do most of us only get 30 minutes or less, but in today’s time-crunched society, we end up using that time to get more work done. According to a recent survey:

  • More than 60 percent of America’s office workers consider the 60-minute lunch to be the biggest myth in office life.
  • Roughly 58 percent admit to eating lunch at their desks while continuing to work.
  • More than half of American office workers multitask even during lunch — by eating, running errands, shopping online and checking e-mail at the same time.

STUDENT OF THE YEAR BARRED FROM RECEIVING DIPLOMA BECAUSE OF BEARD _ The “Student of the Year” at a Louisiana High School was not allowed to get his diploma at the graduation after running afoul of the district’s policy against student facial hair. Senior Andrew Jones wore a beard all year (at Amite High School) and it never stopped him from earning As in all his classes, excelling in sports, or being awarded a college scholarship. When Jones arrived at the commencement ceremony he was stunned to learn that he wouldn’t be allowed to go up on the stage with the beard because of the school system’s policy against facial hair on students.

… Jones and other graduating seniors with facial hair were given an ultimatum: if they didn’t shave, they couldn’t receive their diplomas up on the stage, the station reported. Jones shaved the hair covering his cheeks but refused to shave his goatee.

CITIZENS TURN TO SOCIAL MEDIA TO SHAME DRIVERS WHO TEXT _ Distracted drivers beware, citizens are using social media to call you out when you misbehave behind the wheel. ABC says Facebook pages designed to shame are popping up in U.S. cities. In Dallas, there’s a Facebook page called “You Can’t Drive, Dallas” that’s devoted to outing distracted drivers. Drivers are recording distracted drivers and then posting the clips.

GUY SENT 118 TEXTS IN 8 HOURS TO WOMAN _ A Florida man has been arrested after authorities say he sent a woman approximately 118 text messages over a span of eight hours. 34-year-old William Thomas Hardaway was taken in to police custody on Thursday after the woman couldn’t take the alleged harassment any longer.

NUDE DUDE CANDLES _ A Melbourne, Australia-based candle company is bringing new meaning to natural candle-making. Sure, the candles themselves are made of soy, but the candlemakers are also totally nude when prepping them. The candle company is called Nude Dudes Candles. They also recently raised money for Swags for Homeless, a charity that helps get backpack beds to homeless people in their local community.


WACKY-BUT-TRUE

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: PRANKED GROOM MISTAKEN FOR KIDNAPPING VICTIM _ In China, a man was thought to be a kidnap victim after he was spotted being paraded with bound hands and wearing only women’s underwear. It turns out it was a prank. Witnesses reported seeing the man walking along a street around 9:15 PM with his hands tied behind his back as a man led him by a rope. Police arrived to find that not only was the man wearing negligee, but also that two cars carrying friends were following behind. It was all part of the man’s bachelor party.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: LAWMAKER INTRODUCED BILL REQUIRING STRIPPERS TO BE UNDER 160 LBS _ A lawmaker in Louisiana is in a bit of trouble with his colleagues after introducing an amendment in the state legislature that would limit the age and weight of strippers. Kenny Havard claimed he was joking when he tried to amend a bill with language that said strippers could not be older than 28 or weigh more than 160 pounds. His proposal was added during the debate over a bill that would require dancers in Louisiana to be 21 or over.

… Most of his colleagues were outraged, calling the amendment and reaction to it embarrassing and disgusting. When Louisiana state Rep. Nancy Landry asked Havard if he meant such women were unfit to be dancers, audible “ohhs” could be heard from the chamber. Havard responded: “No ma’am, I’m just worried about their health, and I wouldn’t want them to hurt one another.”

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: RESTAURANT OFFERS BIKINI-CLAD SHRIMP-PEELERS _ Peeling shrimp is annoying, so a restaurant in China is now offering someone to peel and remove customers’ shells for them. The service is provided by women in bikinis who sit by the table and peel shrimp for the customers.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: WOMAN ACCUSED OF PUNCHING TEEN SON OVER TACO BELL ORDER _ A West Virginia mother was recently charged with child abuse after she allegedly punched her teenage son in the face during an argument. Over a Taco Bell burrito. The 15-year-old had apparently ordered the wrong toppings on his mom’s burrito.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: THREE MAYORS WALK INTO AN ELEVATOR, GET STUCK _ Three mayors walk into an elevator — but what happened next was no joke, though the officials managed to amuse themselves until they could be rescued about 40 minutes later. Pittsburgh Mayor Bill Peduto got stuck in the Westin Hotel elevator Thursday evening along with the mayors of Pennsylvania towns of Millvale and Leetsdale. They had been attending a meeting together. At first, it wasn’t clear how they’d get out because none of the mayors, and others stuck along with them, could get cellphone service. Luckily, one of the stranded passengers worked at the hotel and was able to summon maintenance crews and first responders using a walkie-talkie. And while the mayors couldn’t call for help, they did manage to use their phones to take a selfie.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: CHIMNEY BURGLAR _ An Illinois man told police the reason he was stuck in a chimney is because he went onto the roof to look at the stars. Cops had trouble believing him since it wasn’t his house.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: ROBBER TOSSES MONEY _ A man robbed a New Jersey bank and evaded capture by throwing some of the stolen cash over his shoulder as he fled from a security guard. Faced with the prospect of watching his employers’ $20 bills blow away in the wind, the guard stopped up to pick up the loot while the robber got away with the rest.


ON TELEVISION

THE PRICE IS RIGHT PRIMETIME SPECIAL (8p ET, CBS) — Three primetime specials of The Price is Right this week will showcase former players of Survivor, The Amazing Race and Big Brother. Tonight is the Survivor edition, with popular contestants Natalie Anderson, Joe Anglim, Rupert Boneham, Jeremy Collins, Cirie Fields, Woo Hwang, Rob Mariano, Kelley Wentworth and Tina Wesson playing alongside super fans of the show.

THE VOICE (8p ET, NBC) — The Final 4 perform before the season finale tomorrow night.

DANCING WITH THE STARS (8p ET, ABC) — The three remaining couples perform two dances each, and BC Jean performs in this new edition.

SEASON FINALE: GOTHAM (8p ET, FOX) — Hugo Strange’s inmates plan to escape and start new lives in the season finale. Jada Pinkett Smith, Nathan Darrow and Michelle Veintimilla guest star. Gotham has been renewed for another season.

REIGN (8p ET, CW) — Mary is presented with an opportunity for safe passage to Scotland in this new episode.

SEASON FINALE: THE ODD COUPLE (9p ET, CBS) — In the hourlong season finale, Felix and Oscar both want to be the president of their building’s tenants’ association. And a shot at online dating finds Oscar on a blind date with Felix’s ex-wife (guest star Christine Woods, About a Boy). The Odd Couple has been renewed for another season.

SEASON PREMIERE: THE BACHELORETTE (9p ET, ABC) — Last season’s The Bachelor runner up JoJo Fletcher is the star this time around, as former Bachelorettes Kaitlyn Bristowe, Desiree Hartsock Siegfried and Ali Fedotowsky appear on the premiere to offer advice. And one man brings singing group All-4-One to serenade Jo Jo.

HOUDINI AND DOYLE (9p ET, FOX) — In this new episode, a businessman is murdered by a mysterious phantom. But is it real, or a case of mass hysteria?

SEASON PREMIERE: WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY? (9p ET, CW) — Alfonso Ribeiro appears in the season premiere. In another new episode that follows, Keegan-Michael Key is the guest comic.

PERSON OF INTEREST (10p ET, CBS) — Reese and Finch are sent to a wedding to protect a couple in this new episode.

SEASON FINALE: BLINDSPOT (10p ET, NBC) — In the season finale, Jane approaches a former suspect for help with Oscar. Blindspot has been renewed for another season.


ENTERTAINMENT

BOX OFFICE: ANGRY BIRDS RULE THE ROOST _ The Angry Birds Movie soared to $39 million in its debut weekend, knocking Captain America: Civil War off its first-place perch. Civil War still earned an additional $33.1 million for a second-place spot. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising and The Nice Guys took the third- and fourth-place spots. AUDIO

X-MEN: APOCALYPSE LAUNCHES WITH $103.3 MILLION _ While The Angry Birds Movie ruled the roost at the domestic box office over the weekend, the international box office was dominated by X-Men: Apocalypse. The superhero movie earned $103.3 million in 75 countries. X-Men: Apocalypse opens in North American theaters this Thursday evening.

TAYLOR SWIFT’S BOYFRIEND WANTED A PRIVATE ROOM _ Taylor Swift’s boyfriend, Calvin Harris, was in a pretty nasty accident Friday night. He’s fine. Someone in a VW Beetle hit his SUV. Emergency personnel took him to the hospital for observation but he left soon after he arrived because there weren’t any private rooms available.

DAVID HASSELHOFF CLAIMS HE’S BROKE _ David Hasselhoff says he’s completely broke. The legendary Baywatch star says he has less than $4,000 in the bank and that he’s unable to support his ex-wife (Pamela Bach). He’s currently being forced to pay his ex $252,000 a year in spousal support.

… But maybe we shouldn’t feel sorry for The Hoff. According to TMZ he has about $1.8 million dollars in real estate, retirement savings and other assets. And he’s making over $100,000 a month from various acting gigs, performances and appearances.

A CUBAN FOR PRESIDENT? _ Mark Cuban, the reality TV star and billionaire owner of the Dallas Mavericks, says he’s open to running for president in the future. Cuban told NBC’s Meet the Press: “Well, it’s certainly more of a consideration than it was. You don’t have to be the perfect Stepford candidate like you would’ve been in the past.” Pushed by host Chuck Todd on what could bring him to run in 2020 or 2024, Cuban replied, “It’s too early to tell.”

MEL GIBSON COULD DIRECT FUTURE IRON MAN _ Mel Gibson has not had an easy go of it since dropping the massively successful The Passion of the Christ in theaters to the tune of a $611 million worldwide gross. Gibson has only starred in six films since 2006 — Passion was in 2004 — and none of them had major Hollywood backers. Iron Man 3 director and former Mel Gibson collaborator Shane Black (Lethal Weapon) recently explained why that is, stating that Gibson has essentially been “blacklisted” in Hollywood because, he said, “I think people don’t want to work with him.” That could be due to his widely publicized 2007 outburst, when he was caught and charged by police with DUI. During that incident, he was recorded saying, among other things, “The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.”

… But Gibson does have some highly-placed friends, notably Robert Downey Jr. Gibson was reportedly one of the people who stuck by the Iron Man through his dark substance abuse issues and helped him break back into the mainstream. Downey has never forgotten that and he reportedly told Black that he would like to see Mel Gibson as the director of a future Iron Man film.

PARAMOUNT’S LAWSUIT AGAINST STAR TREK FAN FILM IS NO MORE _ Just before 2016 began, the producers of a crowdfunded Star Trek fan film called Axanar received some bad news in the form of a lawsuit from Paramount Pictures. At the core of all the legal mumbo jumbo, the lawsuit claimed ,”The Axanar Works infringe Plaintiffs’ works by using innumerable copyrighted elements of Star Trek, including its settings, characters, species, and themes.”

… Thankfully, some sense seems to have been talked into Paramount Pictures thanks to new franchise producer J.J. Abrams and Star Trek Beyond director Justin Lin, and the Star Trak Axanar lawsuit will be dropped very soon. Abrams says, “The fans should be celebrating this thing. Fans of Star Trek are part of this world. So (Justin) went to the studio and pushed them to stop this lawsuit and now, within the next few weeks, it will be announced this is going away, and that fans would be able to continue working on their project.”

EVA LONGORIA MARRIES IN MEXICO _ Eva Longoria is married again. She tied the knot with fiance Jose Baston in a romantic ceremony on Saturday in Valle de Bravo, Mexico. Guests included David Beckham and wife Victoria, Ricky Martin, Melanie Griffith and Mario Lopez.

KIM KARDASHIAN’S STYLIST MAKES $1 MILLION A YEAR _ If you like Kim Kardashian’s look, an Australian by the name of Christine Centenera is the reason. Sources say the stylist makes a million a year to make Kim look good. Kim met Christina after she started working with Kim’s husband, Kanye West, as his styling consultant.

REPORT: PRINCE MIGHT HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR HOURS BEFORE FOUND _ One day before his body was found, Prince was given intravenous fluids at a Minneapolis area hospital, according to the Minneapolis Star Tribune, which attributed that information to an unnamed source with knowledge of the investigation. The paper also says a source revealed that a paramedic responding to the 911 call from Prince’s estate told law enforcement officers, staff and others at the scene that Prince may have been dead for at least six hours before his body was discovered in an elevator at Paisley Park. The newspaper does not cite a reason for the hospital visit or the administration of fluids. But in the days preceding Prince’s death, his publicist said he was suffering from the flu.

FEARS FOR ‘RECLUSE’ LEONARDO DICAPRIO AS HE LOCKS HIMSELF AWAY _ Leonardo DiCaprio has long been known as the King of Cannes thanks to his love of partying. But last week friends expressed fears for the Oscar winner over his strange behavior in which he cancelled his own yacht party — and later took a mile-long helicopter ride to avoid being snapped on the red carpet. The star also failed to show at a charity dinner.

… A movie insider says, “Before the Oscars this year, Leo endured months of promotional work and parties. Now he wants to disappear for a while.”


AUDIO

NEW ON THE PRO AUDIO PAGE…

• PHONER: What does the Tooth Fairy bring your kids? → 3 real callers. Relates to 5/23 Bits & Breaks item.

• MOVIE: Angry Birds clip. → It’s the No. 1 movie in the U.S.

• 9/11: Guy wants to buy a 747 and slam it into a building to get to the truth about 9/11. → May 18 News & Nuggets


INTERPREP PROSHARE

More prep in the Facebook Group.


BITS & BREAKS

TOP TEN MOVIES

  1. The Angry Birds Movie, $39 million
  2. Captain America: Civil War, $33.1 million
  3. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising, $21.8 million
  4. The Nice Guys, $11.3 million
  5. The Jungle Book, $11 million
  6. Money Monster, $7.1 million
  7. The Darkness, $2.4 million
  8. Zootopia, $1.7 million
  9. The Huntsman: Winter’s War, $1.2 million
  10. Mother’s Day, $1.1 million

… One year ago this week the number one movie was Tomorrowland.

IN THEATERS FRIDAY

Alice Through the Looking Glass (PG) – Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham

X-Men: Apocalypse (PG-13) – James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Oscar Isaac, Rose Byrne

WEEKLY HOT LIST

Courtesy of morning show talent coach Steve Reynolds. The Hot List is made up of the topics everyone knows about.

  1. Donald Trump
  2. EgyptAir
  3. Graduations
  4. Memorial Day
  5. The Preakness
  6. X-Men Apocalypse
  7. National Spelling Bee
  8. Beyonce
  9. NBA Playoffs
  10. Blake Shelton
  11. TSA Lines
  12. Calvin Harris
  13. Chewbacca Mom
  14. Bryan Cranston
  15. Zika Virus
  16. Prince
  17. Zac Efron

FIVE TOOTH FAIRY DON’Ts

AUDIO!

I love articles and tip lists that help me to be a better (dad/mom), but this one got kicked to the curb after I read No. 1. The tip list is “Five Tooth Fair Don’ts” and the first tip was…

1. Don’t leave change. Really? REALLY? “Crap, I got NO singles, or fives. Wait! I’ve got a car ashtray full of pennies!”

2. Don’t leave too much money. “Crap, all I got is a $50 and some pennies in the car ashtray. I know, the tooth fairy can include a note saying she wants $45 back under the pillow tomorrow night!”

3. Don’t set a reminder on your phone. The tip list says since our kids now play with our phones, if the alarm goes off and they’re holding it they’ll know what’s going on. Well, unless you simply set an alarm. When your kid asks, “Why is that going off? you can simply reply, “It’s time for (mommy/daddy) to take (her/his) medication.”

4. Don’t impersonate Joey Tribbiani. Long story short: If your kid wakes up as the tooth fairy is doing her job, don’t greet him or her with “How you doin’?” Because if you’ve gotta say something off the top of your head, a tired, old Friends quote is what you’ll use.

5. Don’t keep the evidence. Finally… real advice! But not really, since it’s not uncommon for parents to want to keep a tooth or two — especially if it was their first lost tooth.

FB icon What’s the tooth fairy do for your kids?

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

• He does not have a “beer gut” – he has developed a “liquid grain storage facility.”

• He is not a “bad dancer” – he is “overly caucasian.”

• He does not “get lost all the time” – he “investigates alternative destinations.”

• He is not “balding” – he is in “follicle regression.”

• He is not a “cradle robber” – he prefers “generational differential relationships.”

• He does not get “falling-down drunk” – he becomes “accidentally horizontal.”

• He is not a “male chauvinist pig” – he has “swine empathy.”

• He is not afraid of “commitment” – he is “relationship challenged.”

• He is not “horny” – he is “sexually focused.”

• It’s not his “crack” you see hanging out of his pants – it’s “rear cleavage”.


FUN & GAMES

TRIVIA: 1 in 105 U.S. adults has this in common. (They’re in prison or jail)

CRAIGSLIST FILL IN THE BLANK

I have two (blank) I need to get rid of. I had no idea raising (blank) would be this hard. The little boogers keep eating all my wife’s flowers and climbing on our cars. Nobody told me they were such good climbers. The first person to get these (blank) out of here can have them.

What’s this guy trying to get rid of? (Goats)


VIDEO OF THE DAY

Automatic sliding door screams Like R2-D2. Editor: Play “What’s this sound?” with your co-hosts or audience. After the reveal point everyone to your blog.


DATEBOOK: MAY 24, 2016

This is day 145 of 2016. There are 221 days remaining.

BIRTHDAYS

• Comedian Tommy Chong is 78

• Bob Dylan is 75

• Gary Burghoff (M*A*S*H) is 73

• Patti LaBelle is 72

• Priscilla Presley is 71

• Jim Broadbent is 67

• Alfred Molina is 63

• Kristin Scott Thomas is 56

• John C. Reilly is 51

• Eric Close (Nashville) is 49

• Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother, American Pie films) is 43

• Dancer Mark Ballas (Dancing with the Stars pro) is 30

• War hero Monica Lin Brown is 28. The first woman during the War in Afghanistan and only the second woman since World War II to receive the Silver Star, the United States’ third-highest medal for valor.

IT HAPPENED TODAY

• 1830: Mary had a little lamb by Sarah Hale was published.

• 1844: Samuel F. B. Morse sent the message “What hath God wrought” from the Supreme Court room in Washington, D.C. to his assistant, Alfred Vail, in Baltimore, Maryland.

• 1930: Amy Johnson lands in Darwin, Northern Territory, becoming the first woman to fly from England to Australia. She left on May 5 for the 11,000 mile flight.

• 1935: At Crosley Field in Cincinnati, Ohio, the Cincinnati Reds defeated the Philadelphia Phillies by a score of 2-1 as more than 20,000 fans enjoyed the first night baseball game in the major leagues.

• 1999: Boxer Mike Tyson was released from a Rockville, Maryland, jail after serving 3½ months behind bars for assaulting two motorists after a fender-bender.

• 2003: A 44-year-old drunk driver in The Netherlands stunned police when he crashed the breathalyzer test unit. A later blood test showed the man had seven times too much alcohol in his bloodstream.

• 2007: Britain’s postal department announced it would issue a series of seven stamps depicting the covers of the best-selling Harry Potter books.

• 2014: Reality star Kim Kardashian and rapper Kanye West were married in Florence, Italy, about 7 months after the birth of their daughter, North West.

SPECIAL EVENTS

• Brother’s Day

• Escargot Day

• International Tiara Day

• Morse Code Day

UPCOMING

• May 30: Memorial Day

• June 20: Summer begins

More holidays