This is day 111 of 2017. There are 254 days remaining.
• Charles Grodin is 82
• Tony Danza is 66
• Andie MacDowell is 59
• James McAvoy (X-Men: Apocalypse, Split) is 38
• Frank Dillane (Fear the Walking Dead) is 26
IT HAPPENED TODAY
• 1789: John Adams was sworn in as the first vice president of the United States.
• 1918: Baron Manfred von Richthofen, the German ace known as the “Red Baron,” was killed in action during World War I.
• 1952: Secretary’s Day (now Administrative Professionals’ Day) was first celebrated.
• 1986: After massive hoopla, reporter Geraldo Rivera hosted a live TV special to open a sealed vault linked to Al Capone in Chicago’s Lexington Hotel. Except for a few bottles, the vault was empty.
• 1993: Deputies near Cudahy, Wisconsin, arrested two men for stealing a large electronic game machine from a bar. The machine was so heavy, their pickup truck got stuck in the mud in the tavern parking lot. One of the men called the sheriff’s office and asked for a tow.
• 1998: While Microsoft billionaire Bill Gates presented his new Windows 98 computer operating system to a Chicago convention group, it crashed.
• 2005: An Australian undertaker began offering a beer-as-you-bury service to take some of the sting out of bereavement. The company’s minibus — complete with a mini-bar, coffee and a DVD player — transported 12 mourners with the coffin to the cemetery.
• 2009: A wooden putter which was used to take the final winning shot in the 1939 British Open was discovered dumped in a garage in the UK. Golfer Garry Bingham had stashed the club amid his clutter 20 years before not realizing its value. The antique putter was worth over $22,000.
• 2016: Prince died.
• Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day
• Kindergarten Day
• Chocolate-Covered Cashews Day
• American Red Cross Giving Day
• Tea Day
• Surprise Drug Test Day
• April 22: Earth Day
• May 5: Cinco de Mayo
• May 14: Mother’s Day
• May 29: Memorial Day
SATURDAY, APRIL 22
• Charlotte Rae (The Facts of Life) is 91. Estelle Harris (Seinfeld) is 89. Glen Campbell is 81. Jack Nicholson is 80. Peter Frampton is 67. Ryan Stiles is 58. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is 51. Sheryl Lee is 50. Amber Heard is 31.
• Girl Scout Leader Day. Jelly Bean Day.
SUNDAY, APRIL 23
• Lee Majors is 78. Joyce DeWitt is 68. Michael Moore is 63. Valerie Bertinelli is 57. George Lopez is 56. Melina Kanakaredes is 50. John Cena is 40. John Oliver is 40. Kal Penn is 40. Jesse Lee Soffer is 33. Dev Patel is 27. Gigi Hadid is 22.
• Zucchini Bread Day. Take a Chance Day.
50 gallons: The amount of water used by an individual each day.
President Trump had dinner in the White House with Ted Nugent, Kid Rock and Sarah Palin. [Now you know why Melania is still in New York.]
The U.S. government is spending $50 million to move California desert tortoises so that the Marines can use the land for training. They say the new land where the tortoises will live is terrific, and that they will love it. [Right. Isn’t that the same thing they told the Indians?]
Scientists say that they see early evidence that blood from an umbilical cord improves memory. [As well as the desire to sleep most of the day and play with your feet.]
The last orca has been born at SeaWorld. The breeding program was ended due to concerns from animal rights groups. [And due to the continuing complaints from neighbors over the extremely loud whale sex.]
Analysis shows that the 16-ounce new Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino has a huge amount of sugar. [If you drink all of that at one time, you’re likely to see much more than unicorns.]
Legislators are moving forward to make it illegal for undercover cops in Michigan to have sex with prostitutes. [However, it will still be legal for undercover politicians.]
Disney World is considering building a Star Wars hotel. [All rooms will be fully equipped with wireless Internet, also known as The Force.]
A new study concludes that for the most efficient learning college classes shouldn’t start any earlier than 11 am. [Especially the day after 4/20.]
A new study concludes that for the most efficient learning college classes shouldn’t start any earlier than 11 am. [By then the professors have sobered up.]
Authorities are investigating a man stalking Malia Obama. [What exactly is Bill O’Reilly’s problem?]
ASTRONAUT FLEW IN SPACE FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND HE IS PUMPED _ Space is awesome. Just ask NASA astronaut Jack Fischer, who just flew in space for the very first time. After arriving safe and sound at the International Space Station on Thursday, his words will surely inspire future generations of astronauts: “It’s a burrito of awesomeness smothered in awesome sauce, baby.” Fischer uttered his now famous burrito analogy while talking to his wife. Later, his daughter congratulated him for fulfilling the dream he’s had since he was 6 years old.
NEARBY ROCKY PLANET IS THE NEWEST POSSIBLE HOME FOR ALIEN LIFE _ Astronomers have found yet another planet that seems to have just the right Goldilocks combination for life: Not so hot and not so cold. It’s not so far away, either. This new, big, dense planet is rocky, like Earth, and has the right temperatures for water, putting it in the habitable zone for life. It’s the fifth such life-possible planet outside our solar system revealed in less than a year, but still relatively nearby Earth.
A GERMAN STARTUP JUST MADE ‘FLYING CARS’ A REALITY _ Lilium Aviation announced Thursday the first ever vertical takeoff and landing of a personal-use electric vehicle. Also known as a flying car. The idea is that the aircraft has the benefit of a helicopter in not needing a long runway, but is still capable of reaching the top speeds of a jet. Lilium says its personal jets will be available to fly out of backyard as soon as 2018. • VIDEO
CUSTOMER GIVES WAITRESS $500 TIP TO HELP FIX BROKEN HEARING AID _ A lucky waitress at GW Carson’s restaurant in Connecticut was shocked when she learned of her customer’s generosity. Keri Marie Carlson is hearing-impaired and has been dealing with a broken hearing aid. Last week, Carlson was moved to tears when a customer offered her $500 to repair her hearing aids.
A CANADIAN BREWERY AIMS TO ‘MAKE BEER GREAT AGAIN’ _ Shortly after Donald Trump won the U.S. election, Canada’s immigration website crashed. Now, one of Canada’s craft breweries, Northern Maverick Brewing Company, is trolling Trump with its “Fake News” ale, which is launching this summer. According to the company, the ale pairs well with “small hands, striking comb overs, and huuuge egos, and all things Mexican.” For each can of the beer sold, the brewery says it will donate five percent of sales to help the United States “reverse a questionable policy.” The brewery says it will allow consumers to vote on which cause will receive the donation. The beer will be part of a “charitable line of beers” that are expected to be released every six to 18 months. • IMAGE
KANSANS TRACK TERRIBLE DRIVER NICKNAMED ‘THE CR-V LADY’ _ Tecumseh, Kansas, near Topeka is home to perhaps the worst driver in the world. Known by many as “The CR-V Lady,” Patricia McDonald has garnered such a reputation from her poor driving that there’s actually a Facebook page called “CRV Lady Awareness Of Topeka” to warn citizens of her whereabouts. After readers sent them a number of photos and videos showing a woman driving a Honda CR-V recklessly near Topeka, a local news station found that the woman — identified as Patricia McDonald — has been cited over 20 times since 1996. • LINK
… The news site says a more recent run-in with law enforcement happened in the spring of 2016, when McDonald parked her car in the middle of the road. Since that case was finalized in October, McDonald has received five additional tickets
GIRL CREATES POWERPOINT PRESENTATION TO WIN OVER BOY _ If there’s one thing young men find irresistible, it’s a professional presentation. At least that’s what a 19-year-old University of Minnesota student appeared to be banking on when she emailed her crush a PowerPoint slideshow titled “Why You Should Date Me” last month. Lizzy Fenton shares: “I wanted to win Carter over with sardonic wit, so I chose PowerPoint as my artistic medium.” The presentation, which Fenton made in three hours at a coffee shop, includes bullet points of her attributes, including “tantalizing conversationalist” and “will look classy at Thanksgiving.” She also brags that because she can pull off so many looks, dating her is like dating at least three different girls. • IMAGES
… So how’d Carter take it? “This is very nice. Please stop contacting me.” But Fenton tells People she and Carter “get along swimmingly.” Though Fenton won’t say if they’re dating, it does appear as if she and Carter are at least friends.
POLICE SHUT DOWN GIRLS’ LEMONADE STAND, DEMAND PERMIT _ Two girls wanting to raise money to purchase a Father’s Day present had their lemonade stand shut down after police demanded to see a permit. Andria and Zoey Green wanted to raise $105 to take their dad to a water park. The sisters were selling lemonade and kettle corn for about an hour when police showed up because they set up their stand near the curb on a residential street. A code enforcement officer told the girls’ mother they would need a permit to sell lemonade.
… The city agreed to waive the $150 fee for a “Peddler’s Permit,” but according to Texas House Bill 970, the “sale of food which requires time or temperature control to prevent spoilage” is prohibited. Because lemonade must be refrigerated to prevent the growth of bacteria, an inspection and permit is required.
UTAH LEGALIZES LEMONADE STANDS AND BUSINESSES RUN BY KIDS _ Kids in Utah will no longer have to worry about the police shutting down their lemonade stands. Under a new state law that passed with overwhelming, bipartisan support, cities and counties cannot require a license or permit for any occasional business operated by a minor.
MAN WARNED AFTER NEIGHBORS SAY DRONE FOLLOWED CHILDREN _ Drones being used to watch children at play and swimming in a Florida (Fort Myers) neighborhood were enough to anger neighbors and get the attention of the County Sheriff’s Office. A man who neighbors said used the drones fitted with cameras to follow neighborhood children was spoken to by deputies.
WACKY-BUT-TRUE: NO ACCESSIBLE BATHROOMS AT DEPT. IN CHARGE OF ACCESSIBILITY _ Nova Scotia’s Department of Justice is rewriting a bill to preserve accessibility rights of people with disabilities, but it couldn’t hold a meeting recently at its own offices to discuss changes because the building it leases doesn’t have an accessible bathroom.
WACKY-BUT-TRUE: MAN SPENT DAYS GETTING HIGH IN HOME WITH CORPSE _ A 35-year-old New Jersey man is facing charges after a woman who lived with him died and he continued to use drugs for several days with her nearby.
WACKY-BUT-TRUE: TRUCK DRAGS A CAR AND DRIVER AFTER ACCIDENT _ An intense video captured on a California freeway shows a large tractor trailer truck dragging a car — the driver seemingly unaware the two vehicles had gotten into an accident. A witness was driving closer to the trailer truck when he pulled close and saw it was dragging a maroon Nissan Maxima. A group of motorists managed to get in front of the truck, which was pulling two trailers, and force it to a stop on the side of the road. When asked by one of the drivers why he didn’t stop, the truck driver responded, “I didn’t know it.” • VIDEO
… According to police, the truck approached a slower-moving truck. When it attempted to pass the slower vehicle, it merged into another lane and hit the Nissan. Police said the truck driver showed no signs of impairments and he was allowed to leave the scene. The driver of the Nissan was not seriously injured, and was dragged less than a mile.
WACKY-BUT-TRUE: MAN FINDS CHEETO SHAPED LIKE VIRGIN MARY _ A Texas man found a Cheeto that he says resembles the Virgin Mary. Alvin Cochran Cochran posted the Cheeto for sale on eBay. A Cheeto resembling the slain gorilla Harambe sold on eBay for almost $100,000 in February.
WACKY-BUT-TRUE: TO AVOID TRIP WITH GF, MAN SENT ‘HIJACK THREAT’ _ In India a man had promised his girlfriend a nice getaway — but couldn’t afford the airline tickets. He tried multiple times to get her to change her mind about the trip but refused. So finally, lacking sufficient funds to book the trip, he did the next logical thing: he emailed in a few hijack threats.
WACKY-BUT-TRUE: GAFFITI PROPOSAL _ Police were called to a shopping center in Ohio (Sheffield Lake) for a report of vandalism. The responding officer saw graffiti, painted in red paint across 30 feet of a wall. It had a heart and said, “Michelle Marry Me I love you 3-17-17”. Police had no leads until an anonymous caller reported Kyle Stump had recently proposed to his girlfriend, Michelle. Investigators matched the graffiti to a known handwriting sample from Stump, and he was brought in for questioning. Stump admitted to the defacement and was charged with criminal mischief. “It was worth it,” Stump later told reporters. “She said yes.”
WACKY-BUT-TRUE: DENTIST AND DRUG DEALER _ The San Mateo County California Narcotics Task Force arrested a dentist at his office after a three-month investigation. Not only did he allegedly practice without a license, but in his spare time at the office he cooked meth.
FIRST DATES (8p ET, NBC) — New. One dater has a complete checklist that her match hopes to meet.
THE TOY BOX (8p ET, ABC) — Toy inventions in this new edition include a life-sized construction toy, sinkable building blocks for pools, and a dog-shaped lightbox.
MACGYVER (8p ET, CBS) — Repeat
ROSEWOOD (8p ET, FOX) — New. Rosewood and Villa are pulled into the world of human trafficking to investigate the death of a school teacher.
THE ORIGINALS (8p ET, CW) — Repeat
HAWAII FIVE-O (9p ET, CBS) — Repeat
SHARK TANK (9p ET, ABC) — Products featured in this new edition include a fitness apparel line that caters to women, no-spill, portable, stemless wine glasses, rescue signal, and slash-proof and water-resistant backpacks.
DATELINE (9p ET, NBC) — A new, 2-hour edition
YOU THE JURY (9p ET, FOX) — New.
REIGN (9p ET, CW) — Repeat
BURN…BURN! (9p ET, Showtime) — This new documentary recalls the 1992 L.A. riots.
BLUE BLOODS (10p ET, CBS) — Repeat
20/20 (10p ET, ABC) — New. Two years after her revealing interview announcing that she was transitioning to female, Caitlyn Jenner sits down with Diane Sawyer to talk about the realities of her life.
BILL NYE SAVES THE WORLD (Netflix) — Bill Nye the science guy is back with a talk show-like series that features demonstrations, panel discussions with experts, and field segments.
GIRLBOSS (Netflix) — Charlize Theron is an executive producer on this new series loosely based on the early-career, pre-bankruptcy experiences of Nasty Gal founder Sophia Amoruso, the e-commerce entrepreneur who got her start selling vintage clothing on eBay. Britt Robertson (Under the Dome) stars as Sophia.
SEASON PREMIERE: BOSCH (Amazon) — As the 3rd season begins, Bosch’s (Titus Welliver) teenage daughter has moved in with him, adding the responsibilities of a single father to his daily routine.
THE IMMORTAL LIFE OF HENRIETTA LACKS (8p ET, HBO) — Oprah Winfrey stars in this fact-based drama as a woman who learns of the unlikely role her late mother played in helping to develop new cancer treatments. Rose Byrne also stars. This is an adaptation of the bestselling nonfiction book by Rebecca Skloot, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. The book told the story of an African-American woman named Henrietta Lacks whose “immortal” cell line, known as HeLa, came from her cervical cancer cells in 1951. HeLa became one of the most widely used lines in medical research and was all done without the knowledge of, consent from, or any compensation paid to Lacks’s family.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (11:30p ET, NBC) — Saturday Night Live returns with a new episode May 6.
NCIS: LOS ANGELES (8p ET, CBS) — New. Followed by new episodes of Madame Secretary and Elementary.
LITTLE BIG SHOTS (8p ET, NBC) — Kids features in this new edition include a 6-year-old snail whisperer, a family of fiddlers and step dancers, a singer from Wales, and a 5-year-old pianist from China.
ONCE UPON A TIME (8p ET, ABC) — New.
CHICAGO JUSTICE (9p ET, NBC) — This new episode is followed by a new Shades of Blue.
MATCH GAME (9p ET, ABC) — This new edition features celeb panelists Jason Alexander, Cheryl Hines, Joe Lo Truglio, Ellie Kemper, Wayne Brady and Caroline Rhea.
AMERICAN CRIME (10p ET, ABC) — New
SERIES PREMIERE: MARY KILLS PEOPLE (10p ET, Lifetime) — This 6-episode Canadian series tells the story of Dr. Mary Harris (Caroline Dhavernas, Hannibal), a single mother and ER doctor who, with her former plastic surgeon partner, helps terminally ill patients die on their own terms (for a fee).
FINALE: FEUD: BETTE AND JOAN (10p ET, FX) — New. Faced with a new rival, Bette reflects on her misplaced feud with Joan.
BILL O’REILLY PAYOUT COULD BE AS HIGH AS $25 MILLION _ Bill O’Reilly is leaving Fox News with a payout of up to $25 million, the equivalent of one year of his salary.
MULDER AND SCULLY WILL BE BACK FOR THE X-FILES SEASON _ Fox has renewed The X-Files for another season, following the ratings success of last year’s revival. Season 11 will once again star David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson returning in their roles as FBI Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. It will deliver ten episodes — up from six for Season 10.
CUBA GOODING SR. DIES AT 72 _ Cuba Gooding Sr., soul singer and father to Oscar-winning actor Cuba Gooding Jr., has died. He was 72. While police are still investigating the cause of death, TMZ reported that it is a suspected overdose.
AMY SCHUMER BUYS $2K MATTRESS FOR EMPLOYEE WHO LET HER USE THE BATHROOM _ If Amy Schumer asks to use your toilet, make sure you say yes. The actress and comedian was jogging around Chicago recently when she stopped into Six Corners Mattress Firm hoping for an emergency bathroom. The store employee happily pointed her towards the restroom, not realizing the desperate jogger was Schumer. Grateful for the hospitality, Schumer walked up to the employee on her way out and asked which mattress was her favorite. She then bought the $2,000 mattress on the spot as a gesture of her appreciation.
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN SLAMS ‘CON MAN’ TRUMP IN NEW SONG _ Bruce Springsteen hasn’t been shy about his feelings on Donald Trump before but, thanks to an old friend, he’s sharing some thoughts via song. Long-time Springsteen collaborator Joe Grushecky penned “That’s What Makes Us Great,” an anti-Trump anthem, and looped The Boss in for some vocal contributions. Grushecky told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, “I had this song, and Bruce and I had been talking. I sent it to him and he liked it. I said, ‘What do you think about singing on it?’ He gave it the Bruce treatment.” You can buy it over at Gruschecky’s site. • LINK
IN THEATERS TODAY _ Fate of the Furious will easily win the weekend box office again, likely making another $50 million-plus in North America. It’s competing against five new films, none of which is generating much buzz.
• Born in China (G) – Narrated by John Krasinski
• Free Fire (R) – Brie Larson, Cillian Murphy, Armie Hammer
• Phoenix Forgotten (PG-13) – Florence Hartigan, Luke Spencer Roberts
• The Promise (PG-13) – Christian Bale, Oscar Isaac, James Cromwell,
• Unforgettable (R) – Rosario Dawson, Katherine Heigl
… Opening next weekend: The Circle; How to be a Latin Lover; Sleight
Find these audio files on the Pro Audio page.
• STARBUCKS: A Starbucks barista goes off on the new Unicorn Frappuccino.
• DROP: Alright go, go! In 5…4…3…
• GRONK: Rob Gronkowski crashes Sean Spicer media briefing. → April 20 News & Nuggets
ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONALS DAY/WEEK
Next week is Administrative Professionals Week. Administrative Professionals Day is Wednesday (April 26) and is celebrated to recognize the work of clerical employees. According to a survey of Administrative Professionals, here are there top complaints:
• My boss doesn’t know my name…and I’ve been employed there for over a year.
• He forgets every birthday and anniversary and expects me to not only remind him but pick up gifts for him, too.
• Co-worker brings kids to work.
• Unnecessary emails because everyone hits ‘reply all’.
• Please get off Facebook.
• Please stop watching YouTube, or at least turn down the volume.
• Do we have to celebrate everything? I’ve gained about 10 pounds eating all of the cake.
• We are only co-workers, so you don’t have to give me funny little nicknames like Sport or Kiddo or Champ.
A synonym is a word that means the same as another, like ‘baby’ and ‘infant’. An antonym is a word that means the opposite of another, such as ‘hot’ and ‘cold’. A contronym is a word that, by some freak of language evolution, are their own antonyms. For example, bolt means ‘secure’ but also ‘run away’. Here are some more contronyms…
• custom: usual; normal AND special; unique
• fine: just meets minimum standards; satisfactory AND considerably better than average; excellent
• dust: to remove fine particles from (e.g. when cleaning) AND to sprinkle fine particles onto
• left: departed from AND remaining
• overlook: to examine; watch over AND to fail to notice; miss
• scan: to examine closely AND to glance at hastily
• skin: to cover with a skin AND to remove the skin
• table: to propose; suggest AND to postpone; shelve
• weather: to withstand; stand up to AND to wear away
TRIVIA: About 1 in 10 adults say if they see this on the street they don’t pick it up. (Loose change/coins)
THE PRICE IS RIGHT
Conference 3 listeners and then read the description of the item and let the bidding begin. The contestant with the highest bid without going over the retail price wins. (Here’s a hip version of the Price Is Right theme.)
Today’s item is the LED Fiber Optic Light-up Backless Wedding Gown!
Turn your wedding night into a magical, light-up experience every reception guest will enjoy. The LED Fiber Optic Light-up Backless Wedding Gown features four different colors plus a flash mode. Change the light colors by wireless remote control! The LED Fiber Optic Light-up Backless Wedding Gown is made of high tech fiber optic fabric and includes and instruction book. Can be worn for weddings, proms, parties or just for fun.
How much is the LED Fiber Optic Light-up Backless Wedding Gown? ($8,800)
Can you take a few off?
This is day 114 of 2017. There are 251 days remaining.
• Shirley MacLaine is 83
• Barbra Streisand is 75
• Cedric the Entertainer is 53
• Aidan Gillen (Game of Thrones) is 49
• Rory McCann (Game of Thrones) is 48
• Kelly Clarkson is 35
• Joe Keery (Stranger Things) is 25
IT HAPPENED TODAY
• 1704: The first regular newspaper in the United States, the Boston, Massachusetts New-Letter, was first published.
• 1800: The United States Library of Congress was established when President John Adams signed legislation to appropriate $5,000 to purchase “such books as may be necessary for the use of Congress”.
• 1969: Singer Paul McCartney announced that there was no truth to the widespread rumor he was dead.
• 1990: The space shuttle Discovery blasted off from Cape Canaveral, Florida, carrying the $1.5 billion Hubble Space Telescope.
• 1992: In London Terry Cole balanced 220 cigar boxes on his chin for nine seconds and a new world record.
• 1992: Singer David Bowie and fashion model Iman were married in a secret ceremony in Switzerland. The wedding wasn’t announced until more than a week later.
• 2005: Pope Benedict-16 was formally installed as leader of the Roman Catholic Church in ceremonies at the Vatican.
• 2005: Snuppy becomes the world’s first cloned dog. Snuppy, an Afghan hound, was created in South Korea using a cell from an ear from an adult Afghan hound. Snuppy was named as Time Magazine’s “Most Amazing Invention” of the year in 2005.
• 2013: A building collapsed near Dhaka, Bangladesh, killing 1,129 people and injuring 2,500 others.
• Go Diaper Free Week
• Pig in a Blanket Day
• Sauvignon Blanc Day
• New Kids on The Block Day
• May 5: Cinco de Mayo
• May 14: Mother’s Day
• May 20: Armed Forces Day
• May 29: Memorial Day
• June 14: Flag Day
• June 18: Father’s Day