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This is day 242 of 2017. There are 123 days remaining.


• Businessman Warren Buffett is 87

• Peggy Lipton (The Mod Squad) is 71

• Comedian Lewis Black is 69

• Michael Chiklis (The Fantastic Four, The Shield) is 54

• Cameron Diaz is 45

• Lisa Ling (The View) is 44

• Tennis player Andy Roddick is 35


• 1963: A hotline between U.S. and Soviet leaders went into operation.

• 1967: Thurgood Marshall was confirmed as the first African American Justice of the United States Supreme Court.

• 1984: The Space Shuttle Discovery took off on its maiden voyage.

• 1993: The first episode of the Late Show with David Letterman aired on CBS, following Letterman’s move from NBC.

• 2001: Two killers who planned to marry in England’s Broadmoor Prison called off the wedding after finding out just how evil each other was. Lifers Sharon Carr and Robbie Layne, who had already bought gold rings, were stunned when they read a newspaper report describing their killings. A nurse said they stormed out of the room and wouldn’t even talk to each other.

• 2002: South African hijackers accosted a 41-year-old woman and her two daughters, aged 14 and nine, in their driveway and drove them at knifepoint to meet up with another man who was unhappy with the color of the hijacked white Volvo. After stealing the victim’s mobile phone and jewelry, the hijackers returned her car keys and gave her specific directions when she said she didn’t know how to get home. No one was injured, but the mother suffered from shock.

• 2005: The 17th Street Canal in New Orleans was breached during Hurricane Katrina, leading to massive flooding and destruction.

• 2007: In Florida, a child’s grenade-shaped belt buckle caused a lengthy delay for passengers who were trying to leave a Royal Caribbean cruise ship. Thousands of cruise passengers aboard the Freedom of Seas vessel waited several hours as a Miami-Dade police bomb squad investigated the scene. Transportation Security Administrator workers spotted the belt buckle while screening a suitcase that was loaded off the ship.


• Grief Awareness Day

• Cabernet Sauvignon Day

• Holistic Pet Day

• Toasted Marshmallow Day

• Frankenstein Day


• September 4: Labor Day (Monday)

• September 7: NFL season begins

• September 22: First day of fall

• October 3: Major League Baseball playoffs begin

• October 31: Halloween (Tuesday)

• November 5: Daylight Saving Time ends

• November 23: Thanksgiving (Thursday)

• December 21: First day of winter


44: Gallons of soda consumed by the average American each year.


Starting today (Wednesday) Domino’s will begin a test run using driverless delivery cars. [What should you give for a tip, a pack of batteries?]

Starting today (Wednesday) Domino’s will begin a test run using driverless delivery cars. [An era is coming to an end — no more teenagers with their first real job delivering pizzas and getting mugged on the way back to the car.]

Target is introducing its own line of five dollar wines. [Because Target knows how to celebrate sending the kids back to school.]

Have you ever eaten at a Cracker Barrel restaurant? An elderly couple from Indiana just completed their goal of eating at each of the 641 Cracker Barrel restaurants in the U.S. They said it was their life’s mission. [I will never make fun of my parents ever again.]

A big-time drug smuggler was caught in Montreal by police officers on bicycles. [That’s certainly not going to impress anyone on the cell block.]

Donald Trump said that when it comes to North Korea all options are now on the table. [That includes vicious tweets, fiery rally speeches and world class golf.]

The Detroit Lions just made quarterback Matthew Stafford the NFL’s highest paid player with a five-year $135 million contract. [When Tom Brady heard the news he became so angry he almost ate a cookie.]

Authorities around the world are on the alert for the fugitive billionaire heir to the Red Bull energy drink fortune. [But he’s proving extremely difficult to catch since he obviously never needs to sleep.]

Donald Trump has removed one of his longest serving aides and organizers because when Trump gave his speech last week the Phoenix Convention Center wasn’t completely full. [And the fog machine didn’t work.]

Police in Colorado have arrested a man for filing a false police report. He had accidentally cut himself with his new knife but claimed that he had been attacked. His last name is Witt. [His first name must be Half.]


HARVEY CLAIMS LIFE OF HOUSTON POLICE OFFICER _  ( AUDIO)  The body of Houston police Sgt. Steve Perez was recovered early Tuesday. On Sunday morning the 60-year-old cop left for work in the dark and spent about 2½ hours driving around trying to get to his duty station. He drove into an underpass into water, was trapped and drowned.

GRANDMOTHER IN TEXAS RESCUED BY HERO ON A JET SKI _ The disaster in Texas, like all disasters, has also created more than a few heroes and inspirational stories. The latest: a guy on a jet ski. A Houston grandmother rescued from inside her flooded home when Jetski Man motored in an picked up. She’d been living on the second floor. • IMAGE

EMPIRE STATE BUILDING WENT DARK _ The Empire State Building went dark Tuesday night for those impacted by tropical storm Harvey. Also in an effort to assist responders in the Gulf Coast, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo deployed more than 100 New York Air National Guard Personnel to the region and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio announced that his city would be sending 120 emergency personnel to Texas.

DID FLOYD MAYWEATHER JR. DONATE $200 MILLION FOR HOUSTON? _ A web site posing as the Houston Chronicle falsely reported that Floyd Mayweather Jr. was giving aid money to Hurricane Harvey victims. The site published an item appearing to report that Mayweather donated $200 million to Hurricane Harvey relief efforts three days after a widely-publicized fight with Conor McGregor.

POWERBALL WINNER IS NOT TRYING TO BE YOUR FACEBOOK FRIEND _ You’re probably a really nice person. However, that doesn’t mean that the winner of last week’s record Powerball jackpot wants to be your pal on social media, or wants to give you money. Profiles that impersonate the real winner and promise to give money away to her followers are not real.

… One account under Mavis Wanczyk’s name on Instagram claims to be giving away $25,000 to one person every week starting on September 3. A Facebook page using her name and picture has about 3,500 likes. A search of Twitter also reveals several Mavis Wanczyk accounts, some offering money.

HOUSTON MAN TURNS HIS FURNITURE STORES INTO SHELTERS _ A furniture store owner in Houston has turned two of his stores into shelters to help evacuees. Jim “Mattress Mack” McIngvale of Gallery Furniture said after the storm hit Houston, he gathered volunteers and his trucks to rescue people.

BEST BUY EXPLAINS $42 WATER IN TEXAS _ Social media lit up on Tuesday after a reporter posted a picture on Twitter that showed a Best Buy in Texas charging $42 for a case of Dasani water. The picture also showed the price for a case of Smartwater at $29, with a sign noting there was a “limited supply.” Subsequent commenters accused the store, in the Houston suburb of Cypress, of price gouging. A 24-pack of water like that usually costs between $15 and $25 — even online.

… In a statement, a Best Buy representative said the pricing was “a big mistake.” The price was seen only on Friday and was because an employee had mistakenly priced the entire case of water by multiplying the price of a single bottle. Best Buy does not typically sell cases of water, the statement says, so the point-of-sale system had no price for the entire case.

FORD GETS INTO SELF-DRIVING PIZZA DELIVERY _ Ford and Domino’s Pizza have said they will explore using self-driving cars for home delivery of pizza. The research will be conducted in Ann Arbor, Michigan, home to the University of Michigan, home to Domino’s Pizza and located about 31 miles west of Ford headquarters in Dearborn, Michigan. Domino’s and Ford will deliver pizzas to randomly selected customers in the Ann Arbor area in a Ford Fusion Hybrid car equipped with autonomous technology. Humans will be onboard.

REGRETFUL MOM WANTS TO CHANGE 10-MONTH-OLD’s NAME _ Picking out your unborn baby’s name is the first of endless major decisions you make as a parent. At least you didn’t name him Harvey, right? A mom in the UK is having second thoughts about her 10-month-old’s name. She was born on Halloween of 2016, so what do you think her name is?

… It’s not as shocking or, well, foolish as you’d think. The mom named her daughter Autumn. But the mom shared on a mom’s website: “Whenever I say her name I normally get a look and an ‘Autumn? Like the season?’ And it’s really embarrassing.” And she says many of her friends and family didn’t get it when she decided on the name and have had a hard time embracing it. Autumn’s grandmother will say things like, “I can’t wait to see my granddaughter who hasn’t got a proper name,” or “You might as well have been named Season.”

… Since so many people “don’t get” her baby’s name, this new mom is considering changing it as her baby’s first birthday quickly approaches, but other online users are divided on what the mom should do. Most are supportive of the name Autumn, with one saying she should change the child’s name to a dirty version of “BugOffMotherAndMindYourOwnBusiness”.

CHINESE PET OWNERS TURNING TO ACUPUNCTURE _ Acupuncture on humans is a centuries old tradition that, for many, seems to work. Now an acupuncturist in China is treating pets, especially those immobilized by severe spinal and nervous-system injuries. The acupuncturist is seeing a range of breeds including Bulldogs, German Shepherds, Collies, Basset Hounds and Shi Tzus. Dogs and cats are strapped into harnesses before the thin acupuncture needles are inserted into their problem spots.

MONTREAL BIKE COPS NAB ONE OF AMERICA’S MOST WANTED _ After eluding top U.S. law enforcement for more than a decade, one of America’s most wanted criminals and the suspected ringleader of a powerful drug-smuggling organization was caught by two bicycle-mounted police officers in Canada (Montreal). The 35-year-old was nabbed at a train station after attempting to flee from the officers, one of whom got off his bike and chased the suspect down on foot. The officers had suspected the most wanted man of possessing drugs. Fingerprinting revealed his identity and his most wanted status.

REMEMBER THIS? A YEAR AGO THIS WEEK: SCIENTISTS DISCOVER CELLS THAT CAUSE HARD NIPPLES _ An investigation into the biological machinery that handles involuntary responses in the body has led scientists to a distinct type of nerve that makes nipples go hard. Swedish researchers made the discovery while mapping out the various nerve cells that ferry messages around the body in times of emotional distress.

… Another type of nerve that emerged from the study hooks up with hair follicles. When activated, the nerves contract tiny muscles around the hairs, making them stand up and produce goosebumps.


WACKY-BUT-TRUE: OFFICERS STOP DEER ON CALIFORNIA BRIDGE FOR ‘TOLL EVASION’ _ California highway officers say they stopped a young deer on a California toll bridge “for toll evasion.” A photo published Tuesday by the California Highway Patrol shows the doe on the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge standing in the middle of an on-ramp with a deer-in-the-headlights look. The officer joked in a Twitter post that the fawn usually pays the toll but “today she was a buck short.”

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: WOMEN DRESSED AS NUNS TRY TO ROB PENNSYLVANIA BANK _ Two women dressed as nuns attempted to rob a bank in Pennsylvania. The women walked into the bank (near Tannersville) and one brandished a handgun, demanding money from a teller. But they left without taking anything. The FBI is investigating and shared bank surveillance photos on Twitter.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: MAN DIES IN JUMP ROPE CONTEST AT FURNITURE STORE _ Humans die in strange ways. A guy in China died during a contest at a furniture store. It was a jump rope contest that was part of a promotion. Witnesses say the 46-year-old man jumped 302 times before passing out. He was pronounced dead the next morning. Now his family is suing the furniture store for $270,000.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: 11-YEAR-OLD SON REPORTS DRUNK MOM FROM CAR _ A mom in Oregon was arrested for drunk driving. Her 11-year-old son turned her in. At about 9:30 PM Saturday the 11-year-old called 911 saying that his mom was driving under the influence while he was in the car with her. Deputies stopped her and she failed a sobriety test. The boy is now staying with relatives.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: MERMAID TOLD MAN TO DRIVE HIS CAR INTO SEA _ In Singapore a 36-year-old man drove his car through safety barricades and into the sea. His car sunk to the bottom of the ocean but a bystander pulled him out. The man told police “a mermaid” told him to plunge into the sea. • IMAGE

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: THE LITTLE CAR THIEF _ After a car thief in Daytona Beach, Florida, was arrested for the third time in just six weeks, the judge ordered that he wear an ankle monitor. But within six hours of being released with the monitor the thief had cut it off and was arrested again in the company of other known car thieves. The criminal’s name was withheld because he’s only 10 years old.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: GUYS WANT TO BUY COKE FROM A COP _ A Hartford, Connecticut, police officer, leaving the police station after he got off duty at 2:15 AM, was walking to his car in the parking lot when two men stopped him. They wanted to “buy coke.” The officer agreed to sell them cocaine, but the men didn’t have the $60 the officer quoted, so they popped over to an ATM to get the cash. The nearest ATM was in the lobby of the police station. That’s where they went, and when they came back with the cash, the men were arrested.



AMERICA’S GOT TALENT (8p ET, NBC) — New. On the results show, 7 acts move on to the semifinals.


MASTER CHEF (8p ET, FOX) — In this new, 2-hour episode, the Top Nine must create their favorite family breakfast, using Nutella as the key ingredient. Then, the Top Eight head to Big Bear Lake to cook fresh fish.

VIXEN: THE MOVIE (8p ET, CW) — This new feature-length superhero tale is made up of episodes of the animated online series set in the DC Universe.

ARROW (8p ET, CW) — Repeat

SPEECHLESS (8:30p ET, ABC) — Repeat

SALVATION (9p ET, CBS) — New. Grace and Darius look for answers from the President.

MARLON (9p ET, NBC) — New. Marlon re-creates the projects from his childhood to teach Marley and Zack about appreciation. Another new episode follows.


SUITS (9p ET, USA) — Suits celebrates 100 episodes tonight.


LAW & ORDER: SVU (10p ET, NBC) — Repeat


MODERN FAMILY (10p ET, ABC) — Repeat

CMT CROSSROADS (10p ET, CMT) — The Backstreet Boys and country stars Florida Georgia Line perform in this new edition.

THE GOLDBERGS (10:30p ET, ABC) — Repeat


SANDRA BULLOCK DONATES $1 MILLION TO TEXAS _ Sandra Bullock, who owns a home in Austin, Texas, has pledged $1 million to help victims of the tropical storm Hurricane Harvey. In a statement Bullock said, “I’m just grateful I can do it. We have to take care of one another.”

… Since 2001, she’s given a total of $5 million to the Red Cross to help out with relief efforts after various disasters.

KARDASHIAN WOMEN GIVE $500,000 TO HELP HARVEY VICTIMS _ Kim Kardashian West and her famous siblings are donating $500,000 to help Harvey victims. A spokeswoman for the reality star says she and her mother and sisters have given $250,000 to the Red Cross and $250,000 to the Salvation Army.

AMERICAN IDOL CANCELS TEXAS AUDITIONS _ American Idol has canceled auditions in Houston and San Antonio in the wake of Hurricane Harvey. ABC’s rebooted Idol was scheduled to hold auditions in Houston on September 2 and in San Antonio two days later, but eliminated these after Harvey came crashing in.

VIEWERSHIP DOWN FOR MTV’S VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS _ MTV’s Video Music Awards show is no longer the water cooler event it once was. The show tallied 5.68 million viewers across 10 different networks on Sunday night. That’s down from the 6.5 million people who watched last year. Back in 2002, when the VMAs were shown on only one network, just under 12 million people watched.

… The VMAs were up against HBO’s season finale of Game of Thrones and coverage of Hurricane Harvey.

TAYLOR SWIFT’S NEW MUSIC VIDEO SHATTERED A YOUTUBE RECORD _ As you’re probably well aware, Taylor Swift recently released her new music video for Look What You Made Me Do. And while the song has been breaking records all over the place, the music video has broken one of its own: it is the biggest debut of any YouTube video ever. In the first 24 hours it was played 43.2 million times. It beat the previous record holder, Gentleman by Psy, by over 7 million views.

IT MOVIE IS MAKING IT HARD FOR CLOWNS TO BOOK JOBS _ Stephen King’s It continues to make life very difficult for clowns. World Clown Association president Pam Moody says an increase in evil clown sightings has blindsided the company. The industry as a whole has taken a hit thanks to all of the scary clown business. From pranksters and jokesters going around scaring people in store bought clown faces, to the upcoming film that gives creepy clowns a whole new meaning, it is all hurting legit clowns. Moody explained, “People had school shows and library shows that were canceled. That’s very unfortunate. The very public we’re trying to deliver positive and important messages to aren’t getting them.”

… She went on to tell a story about how a WCA member was recently swarmed by police as she waited in her car. The clown arrived early for a child’s birthday party, where she was hired to perform, so she waited in her car. Unfortunately for her, a nosy neighbor called the cops and she immediately found herself surrounded.

CHRIS PRATT  AND ANNA FARIS IN COUPLES THERAPY _ Chris Pratt and Anna Faris are dedicated to their 5-year-old son, Jack, as they reportedly head for divorce. Although the couple announced on August 6 that they were separating, a source claims the couple is currently attempting to mend their relationship by attending couples therapy for the sake of their family. While the insider noted that Chris Pratt and Anna Faris’ plans for divorce weren’t expected to change, they noted that their decision to attend therapy was in hopes that their future co-parenting relationship would be healthy.

MICHAEL PHELPS, WIFE ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY _ Michael Phelps’ family is growing. The retired Olympic swimmer’s wife, Nicole, is pregnant with their second child. Their first son, Boomer, is 15 months old.

EMILY MAYNARD EXPECTING 4TH CHILD _ Former Bachelorette Emily Maynard and husband Tyler Johnson have some happy news to share — again. Less than a year after welcoming son Gibson to the world, they’re getting ready for the arrival of child number four. Maynard has a 12-year-old daughter, Ricki, from her relationship with late NASCAR driver Ricky Hendrick.

TOP TV SHOWS _ Week of August 21-27.

  1. America’s Got Talent (Tuesday), NBC, 12.59 million
  2. Game of Thrones, HBO, 12.07 million
  3. America’s Got Talent (Wednesday), NBC, 10.84 million
  4. NFL Exhibition Football: San Francisco at Minnesota, NBC, 7.32 million
  5. 60 Minutes, CBS, 7.16 million
  6. Big Brother (Sunday), CBS, 6.28 million
  7. NFL Pre-Game Show, NBC, 6.25 million
  8. The Big Bang Theory, CBS, 6.14 million
  9. Big Brother (Wednesday), CBS, 6.11 million
  10. Big Brother (Thursday), CBS, 6.03 million
  11. Celebrity Family Feud, ABC, 6 million
  12. NCIS, CBS, 5.54 million
  13. American Ninja Warrior, NBC, 5.46 million
  14. NFL Exhibition Football: Kansas City at Seattle, CBS, 5.22 million
  15. Saturday Night Live Weekend Update, NBC, 5.15 million
  16. Presidential Address on Afghanistan, Fox News, 5.12 million
  17. NCIS: New Orleans, CBS, 5 million
  18. NFL Post-Game Show, Fox, 4.98 million
  19. America’s Funniest Home Videos, ABC, 4.9 million
  20. Hollywood Game Night, NBC, 4.83 million


Find these audio files on the Pro Audio page.

HOUSTON COP: A Houston PD spokesman talks about Sgt. Steve Perez, who drowned on his way to work during the hurricane.

PHONER: When did your child learn about karma? Example: “My 4-year-old son has been tipping his little chair back on two legs during dinner. I’ve been warning him he’s gonna fall… and it finally happened.”  →  4 real calls

BACON SIZZLE: Sunday (September 2) is International Bacon Day.

HURRICANE HARVEY: A clip montage of news reports and actualities.


More prep in the Facebook Group.



FB icon Start it on Facebook, take it to the phones: What’s the most ridiculous rule where you work?

• I drive valet. The company handbook says you’re never allowed to back up. Ever.

• When I was in the military I saw a buddy of mine sitting outside crying. I went and consoled him best as I could — apparently he was just depressed and unhappy. After he was feeling a bit better I went to go and find someone to tell them what was happening. They knew. In fact, he had been crying so much lately that they had instituted a “no crying at your desk” policy — which is why he was outside.

• I used to own a pest control company. One day I walked into one of our bays and found a technician licking the inside of a cap from a bottle of herbicide. When asked he told me that he just wanted to know how it tastes. I told him that any future pesticides will taste like unemployment and created a “No ingesting pesticide” rule complete with signs.

• We have a lock on the first aid kits. So if you just need a band aid for a cut, you have to get the key from the safety guy. Which in turn makes it a “reportable accident” with mountains of paperwork and investigations. We use an unbelievable amount of duct tape now.

• All recreational activity is forbidden on company time and resources — except fantasy football.

• Business casual dress code even when i work at home. They skype me to check.

• We had to change our computer login passwords every Monday and they could never repeat old passwords. Everyone pretty much just put their work passwords on post-its and put them on their computer screens.

• Where I work gives free coffee to anyone who comes in — whether they’re a customer or just browsing. But the employees have to pay for it if they want some.


The annual list of the Best and Worst Car Brands ( American Customer Satisfaction Index) is out — and Lexus is on top.  The rating is based on a score that ranges from 1 to 100. Lexus, which routinely does well, scored 86. • FULL LIST

  1. Lexus
  2. Toyota
  3. Subaru
  4. GMC
  5. Mercedes-Benz
  6. Cadillac
  7. Hyundai
  8. Lincoln
  9. Audi
  10. BMW


TRIVIA: According to a survey of plumbers, the hardest thing to flush down a toilet is what? (A ping-pong ball)


• Laverne & ________

• ________ & jelly

• Ben & ________

• ________ & Decker

• AT&  ________


Stupid chicken.


source: reddit


This is day 243 of 2017. There are 122 days remaining.


• Van Morrison is 72

• Richard Gere is 68

• Attorney Marcia Clark (O.J. Simpson ADA prosecutor), 64

• Drummer Gina Schock of The Go-Go’s is 60

• Deborah (Debbie) Gibson is 47

• Zack Ward (A Christmas Story, Titus) is 47

• Chris Tucker is 45

• Sara Ramirez (Grey’s Anatomy) is 42


REMINDER: Today is the 20th anniversary of the death of Princess Diana and her companion, Dodi Fayed.

• 1869: Scientist Mary Ward died in Ireland. She had the misfortune to fall under the wheels of an experimental steam car built by her cousins, making her the earliest motor vehicle accident victim.

• 1888: Mary Ann Nichols was murdered. She is the first of Jack the Ripper’s known victims.

• 1897: Thomas Edison patented the Kinetoscope, the first movie projector.

• 1948: Actor Robert Mitchum was arrested in a Hollywood drug raid. He would later be found guilty of criminal conspiracy to possess marijuana and was sentenced to 60 days in prison.

• 1963: Walter Cronkite began his stint as anchor of the “CBS Evening News.”

• 1976: Beatle George Harrison was found guilty of subconsciously plagiarizing the Chiffons’ “He’s So Fine” when he wrote “My Sweet Lord.”

• 1976: Carallyn Bowes became the first woman to run across Canada when she arrived in Burnaby, B.C., after a 3,841-mile jog from Halifax. In 133 days she lost 15 pounds and wore out 13 pairs of shoes.

• 1997: Diana, Princess of Wales, died in a car crash in Paris.

• 2001: A would-be bank robber went to the only empty cashier’s window to demand cash at a bank in Feldmoching, Germany. When the staff ignored him because he was standing at a closed window, the armed bandit fled empty-handed complaining about the appalling service at the bank.

• 2005: Martial law was declared in New Orleans amid reports of looters running wild, food and drinking water dwindling and bodies floating in the Katrina floodwaters.

• 2009: Walt Disney Co. announced it was acquiring comic book giant Marvel Entertainment for $4 billion.

• 2010: President Barack Obama ended the U.S. combat mission in Iraq.


• Overdose Awareness Day

• Love Litigating Lawyers Day

• Matchmaker Day

• Eat Outside Day

• Trail Mix Day


• September 4: Labor Day (Monday)

• September 7: NFL season begins

• September 22: First day of fall

• October 3: Major League Baseball playoffs begin

• October 31: Halloween (Tuesday)

• November 5: Daylight Saving Time ends

• November 23: Thanksgiving (Thursday)

• December 21: First day of winter