INTERPREP ★ AUGUST 7, 2019

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DATEBOOK: AUGUST 7, 2019

BIRTHDAYS

• Wayne Knight (Seinfeld) is 64

• David Duchovny (Californication, The X-Files) is 59

• Charlize Theron is 44

IT HAPPENED TODAY

• 1782: George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart, a decoration to recognize merit in enlisted men and non-commissioned officers.

• 1997: Country superstar Garth Brooks played to 750,000 people in Central Park.

• 1997: Police in Lille, France, warned that the Garden Gnomes Liberation Front had made off with a dozen garden dwarfs in the past week. The 7-member group of night-time commandos, who idolized Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs, left notes vowing to “liberate” all Dwarfs from lawns, gardens, and flower beds. Earlier in the year the GGLF had liberated 30 gnomes in Normandy.

• 1990: President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops and warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard the oil-rich desert kingdom against a possible invasion by Iraq.

• 1999: Boston’s Wade Boggs became the first player to homer for his 3,000th hit.

• 2007: In Masterton, New Zealand, Darryl Clark got a hold of some stolen checks and decided to try to cash a few of them. He was successful, buying over $150 worth of liquor and pocketing $900 in cash before his little spending spree came to an end. Police caught up with him because, even though he knew the checks were stolen, he still wrote his name, address and phone number on the back of every one.

• 2015: Research said William Shakespeare may have been stoned when writing his famous plays. Research showed that four old pipes found in the garden of Shakespeare’s English home contained residues of cannabis.

SPECIAL EVENTS

• Lighthouse Day

• Professional Speakers Day

• Purple Heart Day

• Raspberries and Cream Day

• Beach Party Day

• Sea Serpent Day

• Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day

UPCOMING

• August 24: College football returns with two games: Florida vs. Miami and Arizona vs. Hawaii.
• August 30: The Matrix returns to some theaters
• September 2: Labor Day
• September 5: NFL season begins (Packers and Bears)
• September 20: Storm Area 51
• September 21: Storm Loch Ness
• September 22: Emmy Awards (Fox)
• November 13: Country Music Association Awards


NUMBER FOR THE DAY

42: Length, in feet, of the extended right arm of the Statue of Liberty.


NEWS ATTACK!

Researchers in Scotland have invented a device that operates like a mechanical tongue, and can easily taste and tell the difference between real whiskey and fake whiskey. [And best of all, the artificial tongue can drink all night without bursting into tears and explaining why he never should have left his first wife.]

The former musical composer for The Simpsons, Alf Clausen, has filed suit, claiming that he was fired because of his age. He’s 78. [Which is almost as old as the show.]

The department store chain Barneys New York has filed for bankruptcy. [Because of climate change it’s just gotten too hot for people to wear clothes.]

The Centers for Disease Control issued a cease-and-desist order to an Army research institute working with highly dangerous pathogens because the facility was found to have inadequate methods of preventing contamination. [The order came after an investigation revealed that after working at the laboratory for only six weeks an intern developed both scales and fur.]

Two of the country’s biggest newspaper owners are merging. [Together they will become the nation’s largest printer of obsolete reading material.]

A bear running across the Appalachian Trail in North Carolina accidentally knocked over a hiker. [Don’t bears today ever put down their cellphones?]

A bear running across the Appalachian Trail in North Carolina accidentally knocked over a hiker. [When you’re knocking people down without even knowing it, it’s time to seriously think about losing a little weight.]

A woman at California’s Manhattan Beach fired back at her neighbors in an ongoing dispute by painting her house neon pink with two giant emoji. [If you have the desire to paint your house neon pink with two giant emoji, you’re much too immature to even own a house.]

According to a new study, over the next three years, nearly 25% of American homes will ditch their cable TV and satellite TV. [Nice going, Fox News.]

In the Austrian capital of Vienna, commuters on the city subway have responded in a poll that they would rather the subway authorities not infuse the cars with any kind of fragrance. [If it’s a subway, trust me, one way or another, it’s going to have a scent.]


NEWS & NUGGETS

THE STORY BEHIND A CONTROVERSIAL EASYJET PHOTO _ In the wake of a photo of a passenger on an easyJet flight sitting in a backless seat going viral, the airline has addressed the controversy. Twitter user Matthew Harris tweeted out the shot of a woman perched on a seat without a back onboard what he said was a flight from England to Geneva. easyJet later told TIME that while there were broken seats onboard the flight, no passengers were assigned to them and the flight departed with five spare seats. The airline said in a statement: “No passengers were permitted to fly in these seats as they were inoperative awaiting repair.”

… The guy who tweeted the photo corroborated the airline’s statement in a later tweet, but expressed that he still had concerns about the safety of the aircraft. • PHOTO

WALMART EMPLOYEE HELPED ABOUT 150 PEOPLE ESCAPE FROM THE EL PASO SHOOTING _ A 37-year-old father of two became a hero on Saturday by helping around 150 Walmart customers and coworkers escape the El Paso shooting. Gilbert Serna was in the middle of his shift when the gunman opened fire. After hearing “code brown” over his two-way radio — and checking the back of his badge to remember what that meant — Serna led what he believed to be about 100 customers and employees through a fire exit and told them to get inside four shipping containers. He then closed the doors, hiding them safely inside.

… But Serna didn’t stop there. Rather than get inside one of the containers, he then walked along the side of the building toward the parking lot, where a number of people were standing out in the open. Serna then led about 50 to 60 people in the parking lot to safety in a nearby Sam’s Club.

FBI WARNS THAT SCAMMERS ARE TARGETING VICTIMS OF THE EL PASO MASSACRE _ The FBI warned that “unscrupulous individuals” are contacting victims of the El Paso massacre, pretending to be “from the funeral home or medical examiner’s office” and demanding money.

… The FBI said, “If you receive such a call, please get as much information from the caller as possible, DO NOT give them any money, and contact the El Paso Police Department or FBI El Paso.”

ONE IN 300 OF US MAY BE EXTREME EARLY RISERS _ New research has found that as many as one in 300 of us may have a natural preference for going to bed extremely early and waking up fresh and revitalized in the small hours of the morning.

… People with advanced sleep phase have a body clock, also known as circadian rhythm, which is set much earlier than most. The condition is defined by an ability to fall asleep before 8:30 PM and wake before 5:30 AM, regardless of any occupational or social obligations, and having only one sleep period per day, meaning no naps.

… Other criteria include setting this sleep-wake pattern by the age of 30, not using any stimulants or sedatives, no bright lights to help with getting up early, and no medical conditions that may impact sleep.

🎧 AUDIOAMAZON SELLS A $16 ‘THINKING EGG’ THAT IS SUPPOSED TO ‘BRING EASE AND MINDFULNESS’ _ If you suffer from stress, anxiety, and burnout — welcome to adulthood. Don’t despair, because there is help — and it looks like an egg. Available on Amazon for $16 is a brass “Thinking Egg.” The egg is “ergonomically designed as a useful reminder to help bring ease and mindfulness to the present moment.”

… The $16 egg’s only function is to be held or placed close by to serve “as a great productivity tool that discreetly and elegantly keeps restless hands busy all while being extremely portable.” • LINK

DOG SAVED FROM APARTMENT FIRE AFTER MAN ATTEMPTS TO COOK FRENCH FRIES _ A dog was rescued from a Houston apartment building fire. A man started the fire while he was heating oil to cook french fries and the grease ignited and exploded. The man evacuated his apartment, but firefighters had to rescue the dog from another apartment. A neighbor said, “If you don’t know how to cook, stay out of the kitchen,.”

FIREFIGHTER REVIVES PUPPY WITH CPR _ After dousing a blaze in a warehouse workshop, firefighters in China carried five soaking puppies from the rubble. One needed to be revived with puppy CPR. After a short time the puppies’ mother emerged, shook off the soaking she received from the firehoses, and wandered over to her brood with her tail wagging.

WATER BEARS AND HUMAN DNA ARE ON THE MOON _ Tardigrades, affectionately known as water bears, are microscopic animals that can survive in almost any environment. We already know it’s possible for scientists to bring tardigrades back to life after a 30-year deep freeze. Tardigrades are “extremophiles” which can shut down their metabolism and survive in hostile conditions for long periods. But can they survive on the moon?

… Back in April, an Israeli spacecraft, which carried thousands of dehydrated tardigrades (among other cargo), crashed on the moon. Some people wondered if the water bears could survive. One of those people was Arch Mission Foundation founder Nova Spivack. Arch Mission Foundation is a nonprofit whose main goal is to create a “backup of planet Earth.”

… The Israeli spacecraft was transporting Arch Mission’s first lunar library, a digital archive holding the equivalent of 30 million pages of information. It also carried human DNA samples and thousands of dehydrated tardigrades. It’s unknown how much of the cargo actually ended up on the moon’s surface following the crash.

… Based on Arch Mission’s analysis of the spacecraft’s path as well as the makeup of the lunar library itself, Spivack said that he’s confident the library, a “DVD-sized object made of thin sheets of nickel,” survived the crash mostly intact. He added: “We sent enough DNA to regenerate life on Earth, if necessary. Although it would require more advanced biotech than we [currently have]. At least our DNA is offsite now.”

POSTAL WORKER GRILLS STEAK ON DASHBOARD _ A Phoenix-area postal worker’s lunch has gone viral after the steak was cooked on the dashboard of the mail truck — demonstrating the insane heat in which some United States Postal Service employees work on a daily basis. In a series of photos, the mail deliverer showed a steak in several stages of the cooking process, with a meat thermometer ultimately rising to 142 degrees Fahrenheit — the appropriate temperature for safe eating. An Arizona politician is suggesting adjusting morning start times to allow postal workers in Arizona to deliver later during the cooler parts of the day, avoiding the blazing afternoon temps.

WHEN THE TEMPERATURE GOES TO 120 _ As climate change makes summers worse, cities around the U.S. must adapt or face potentially deadly. Here’s what’s possible during a 120-degree heat wave:

… The asphalt bakes in the sun, causing streets and major roadways to start melting. The resulting black sticky puddles of asphalt threaten to stall cars and burn pedestrians. As a result, vehicular traffic and outdoor walking is temporarily banned.

… The air around airports becomes less dense as a result of the heat, and planes can’t reach the greater speeds required to take off in those conditions, especially with their engines not performing at normal levels.

… Railway tracks expand, upending the anchors and ties that keep them in place.

… Massive power outages due to record-high energy use leave millions of consumers stranded without AC or lights

…None of this is particularly far-fetched. A January heat wave in Australia melted a highway; hot air grounded planes in Phoenix in 2017; and the sun warping railroad tracks is a well-documented phenomenon.

CITIZENS LIFT BUS IN SPONTANEOUS RESCUE OF TRAPPED WOMAN _ A group of people jumped to help lift a bus off a woman who was trapped under a wheel after it hit her. Just five seconds after the accident, around 20 people gathered on the right side of the bus and began pushing to tilt it up so the woman could be pulled from underneath. The woman was apparently riding her bicycle when she was hit by the bus. The woman suffered non-life threatening but serious injuries.

THE KEY TO HAPPINESS? REALLY LOW EXPECTATIONS _ Scientists (University College London) have used a mathematical equation to accurately predict the happiness of more than 18,000 people around the world. The formula for happiness, according to the equation, depends on whether things are better than expected, and not just on how well things are going. People felt happiest when they performed better than expected on a risk-reward task.

REMEMBER THIS? A YEAR AGO THIS WEEK: HIGH SPEED INTERNET = LOSS OF SLEEP _ A recent study (in the Journal of Economic Behavior and Organization) found that having high-speed internet access causes people to lose 25 minutes of sleep per night, compared to those people without it. The study found that access “promotes excessive electronic media use.”


WACKY-BUT-TRUE

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: WOMAN CRASHES CAR ATTEMPTING TO AVOID A TAN _ A woman in China crashed into a roadside guardrail after choosing to take her hands off the steering wheel so she wouldn’t develop a tan. The woman, who wasn’t injured, voluntarily gave up control of her vehicle because she feared that the August sun would darken her skin pigment a shade.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: BEAR COLLIDES WITH HIKER ON THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL _ A hiker on the Appalachian Trail in North Carolina had an unusual encounter with a bear that dashed across the trail and knocked her over. The woman, who was not injured, told rangers the bear was not acting aggressively and apparently bumped into her accidentally. A Great Smoky Mountains National Park spokeswoman said it is common for bears to run across the trail, but it’s unusual for the animals to collide with hikers.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: ROBBERY RULE: KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT _ In Bogota, Colombia, someone robbed a house of the contents of a safe. In all they made off with over $60,000 in cash. But the robber, an 18-year-old, couldn’t keep his mouth shut: he bragged about it so much that another man tried to rob him of the loot. At least 10 shots were fired in the resulting shootout. Both survived, both were arrested.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: LONELY MAN DRUNK-DIALS POLICE 1,500 TIMES _ A senior citizen living and drinking alone in China was so desperate for conversation he drunk-dialed police almost 1,500 times over the course of a year. The lonely man would officers to come to his residence to help him resolve small crises, like forgetting where he put his keys.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: BULL RAN INTO EMERGENCY ROOM _ A bull escaped the butcher’s knife and took refuge in a Bangladesh hospital emergency room, interrupting medical procedures for nearly 45 minutes. The bull broke away from a butcher as it was about to be slaughtered, ran down a street, and charged up a ramp into the emergency room.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: PRISONER GLUES HIMSELF TO GIRLFRIEND _ A prisoner in Madrid, Spain, glued himself to his girlfriend during a jail visit. The couple was taken to a hospital so the could be separated.


ON TELEVISION

SEASON FINALE: LOVE ISLAND (8p ET, CBS) — New. America votes to choose the winning couple who will walk away with $100,000.. Love Island has been renewed for a second season.

SEASON FINALE: PRESS YOUR LUCK (8p ET, ABC) — New.

MASTERCHEF (8p ET, FOX) — New. The top 10 test their speed in a special team challenge, where they have 75 minutes to cook for 101 race car crew members.

SERIES PREMIERE: BULLETPROOF (8p ET, CW) — This new action thriller follows two undercover cops, Bishop (Noel Clarke, Star Trek: Into Darkness) and Pike (Ashley Walters, Top Boy) as they chase hardened criminals in London’s East End.

BIG BROTHER (9p ET, CBS) — New.

SERIES PREMIERE: BH90210 (9p ET, FOX) — In this new series, the original cast of Beverly Hills, 90210 star as heightened versions of themselves in this show inspired by their real lives and relationships. Ian Ziering, Tori Spelling, Jason Priestly, Shannen Doherty, Gabrielle Carteris, and Brian Austin Green star. In the premiere, it’s been 19 years since the show ended and the cast members reunite at a 30th anniversary fan convention in Las Vegas, causing old flames, feuds and feelings to reignite. The show will pay tribute to the late Luke Perry as well.

SERIES PREMIERE: HYPNOTISE ME (9p ET, CW) — This new comedy game show, hosted by Taye Diggs, features contestants working together in teams to complete a variety of simple, everyday tasks after being hypnotized. The series also features award-winning hypnotist Keith Barry, who stars in the original U.K. show, as resident hypnotist.

MATCH GAME (10p ET, ABC) — New. The celebrity panelists are Michael Che, Kirstie Alley, Chris D’Elia, Sherri Shepherd, Mark Duplass and Brooklyn Decker.

THE INBETWEEN (10p ET, NBC) — New.


ENTERTAINMENT

NETFLIX CREATED BINGE-WATCHING CONTRACT _ One of the most egregious things a person in a relationship can do is skip ahead and sneakily watch episodes of a Netflix show that they have agreed they would only watch along with you. It doesn’t matter if the two of you having schedules that conflict and they’re getting impatient waiting for the two of you to be together at the same time to watch the show — a pact is a pact.

… In fact, this has become such a serious issue that the folks over at Netflix (South Africa) have come up with a 100 percent legally binding way (I am assuming) to ensure this doesn’t happen to you: a formal Netflix Co-Watching Contract. The Terms and Conditions are as follows…

  • I WON’T fall asleep.
  • I WON’T get distracted by my phone causing the other person to rewind because I missed something.
  • I WON’T continue watching a show without the other person present.
  • I WON’T talk while the show is on.
  • In the event that I come across a spoiler, I WON’T share it with the other person.

THE ROCK MIGHT JOIN MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE _ Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson could show up in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. On Instagram, Deadpool co-creator Rob Liefeld posted photos of Johnson and images of an action figure and cartoon panels of Deadpool X-Force member Garrison Kane. He captioned the photos with: “Dearest @therock based on reports of outstanding chemistry between you and a familiar friend [Ryan Reynolds in Hobbs & Shaw], I believe the next logical step is for you to join the Marvel Universe as Garrison Kane in a future Deadpool installment..

… The Rock responded: “Dearest Rob, thank you amigo. It’s true, in @HobbsAndShaw, I have insanely outstanding chemistry with our familiar friend. Since you created the characters, how does one Garrison Kane get alone with one [Deadpool]?”

BAKE COOKIES WITH JENNIFER GARNER IN LOS ANGELES _ Jennifer Garner likes to spend time in her kitchen — and is inviting one fan to join her there to bake cookies. The charity auction will award the grand prize winner and a friend a couple of round-trip tickets to LA, a stay at a luxury hotel, and some time in the kitchen baking cookies with Jennifer. All money raised will go to the Epilepsy Foundation. • LINK

NETFLIX’S BABY-SITTERS CLUB REBOOT ADDS ALICIA SILVERSTONE _ As companies continue to reboot any ’80s and ’90s movie and TV shows they can find, Netflix is taking us back to The Baby-Sitters Club. On Tuesday, the first major casting news was announced for the series, which will reboot Ann M. Martin’s best-selling books. Alicia Silverstone (Clueless) and Mark Feuerstein (Royal Pains) will play leading roles in the reboot, which is set for a ten-episode first season.

… The books follow the adventures of five teenage girls in Connecticut.

🎧 AUDIOVOIGHT GUY SAYS RACISM WAS ‘SOLVED LONG AGO’ _ Actor Jon Voight says that racism was “solved long ago.” In a video message posted to Twitter, the 80-year-old defended the president, who he says isn’t “a racist, but a man who loves his country.” After saying that racism has been “solved,” Voight then invoked the Holocaust: “Let me talk about old wounds: the Holocaust. That, my friends, are wounds that live among the Jewish and non-Jewish that lost lives.”

MONICA LEWINSKY JOINS AMERICAN CRIME STORY FOR CLINTON SCANDAL SAGA _ After it seemed as though it wasn’t going to happen, FX announced the third season of its American Crime Story franchise will tackle Bill Clinton’s White House scandal and impeachment. Titled Impeachment, the new season begins production early next year and will premiere September 27, 2020. Monica Lewinsky, the former White House intern who got swept up in a media firestorm because of her affair with the former president, will serve as a producer. Executive producer Ryan Murphy has previously said he hadn’t wanted to move forward with the season without her involvement.

… The cast will include Sarah Paulson as Linda Tripp, Beanie Feldstein as Monica Lewinsky, and Annaleigh Ashford as Paula Jones.


AUDIO

Find these audio files on the PRO AUDIO PAGE.

🎧 DROP: Ugh, sounds exhausting.

🎧 JOHN VOIGHT: John Voight says racism is over.

🎧 THINKING EGG: The Thinking Egg inventor’s pitch video on Amazon.

🎧 PHONER: What old school punishments do you give your kids? One real caller.


BITS & BREAKS

SHOWER THOUGHTS

From reddit.

We entrust the bank with all our money, but they don’t entrust us enough to borrow us pens without chains.

• Because of shoes a lot of places on Earth have still never been touched by humans.

• People in therapy are often in therapy to deal with the people in their lives who won’t go to therapy.

• We never see “no humans were harmed in the making of this film.”

• Robots inhabit more planets in the universe than humans.

• At some point in your life, someone had to tell you what your own birthday is.

• It never fails: you’re watching a two-hour movie and your kid walks in during the five second R-rated part.

• The most unrealistic thing about spy movies is how clean the air ventilation systems are.

FACEBOOK / PHONER

FB icon Start it on Facebook, take it to the phones: The average person will remember about 104 dreams a year. When you sleep, what do you dream about most?

THE THINGS WE SAY WOULD MAKE US HAPPIER

A new survey of adults shows these are the things that would make us happier.

  1. Winning the lottery
  2. Going on vacation
  3. Finding a fiver in your pocket
  4. The ocean being free of trash
  5. Longer summers
  6. Winning a new car
  7. Getting a bonus at work
  8. Sleeping through a whole night
  9. Getting something for free
  10. Having normal summer weather in the summer

HOW TO STAY AWAKE WHILE DRIVING

Drowsy driving is dangerous and deadly. I met a man over the weekend at (local event) who said he was a long-haul truck driver. I said to him, “I couldn’t do what you do — I’d worry about falling asleep at the wheel.” He said, “Here’s a tip to stay awake. Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window.”


FUN & GAMES

TRIVIA: The construction of this giant U.S. structure caused the deaths of 112 people. (Hoover Damn)

TRIVIA: The average one of these is 101 degrees. (Shower)

TRIVIA: Ben & Jerry, the creators of the famous ice cream, originally wanted to start what kind of business? (Bagel. They dropped that idea because they couldn’t afford the bagel-making machine.)

TRIVIA: The average person will remember about 104 of these a year. (Dreams)

TRIVIA: There are fourteen of these in the English language. (Punctuation marks)


DATEBOOK: AUGUST 8, 2019

BIRTHDAYS

• Dustin Hoffman is 82

• Larry Wilcox (CHiPS) is 72

• Keith Carradine (Madam Secretary) is 70

• Donny Most (Happy Days) is 66

• The Edge of U2 is 58

• J.C. Chasez of ‘N Sync is 43

• Drew Lachey of 98 Degrees is 43

IT HAPPENED TODAY

• 1899: A.T. Marshall of Brockton, Massachusetts, patented the refrigerator.

• 1911: The millionth patent was filed in the United States Patent Office by Francis Holton for a tubeless vehicle tire.

• 1963: In England, the Great Train Robbery takes place when a gang of 15 train robbers steal over $5 million.

• 1974: In the fallout from the Watergate scandal, President Richard Nixon announced his resignation, effective the next day.

• 1988: The lights were turned on at Wrigley Field for the first time, making it the last major league stadium to have only day games.

• 1999: Tish, the world’s oldest captive goldfish, died in Yorkshire, England, at the age of 43.

• 2006: Three would-be thieves broke into a bank in northern Malaysia but failed to make off with any cash because they yanked out the wrong machine — a check deposit machine instead of an automated cash machine.

• 2014: Race car driver Tony Stewart hit fellow driver Kevin Ward Jr. with a vehicle on a sprint car track; Ward was walking on the track and did not survive the incident.

SPECIAL EVENTS

• Refrigerator Day. It was patented today in 1899.

• International Cat Day

• Happiness Happens Day

• Frozen Custard Day

• Zucchini Day

• Sneak Some Zucchini Day Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day

• CBD Day

UPCOMING

• August 24: College football returns with two games: Florida vs. Miami and Arizona vs. Hawaii.
• August 30: The Matrix returns to some theaters
• September 2: Labor Day
• September 5: NFL season begins (Packers and Bears)
• September 20: Storm Area 51
• September 21: Storm Loch Ness
• September 22: Emmy Awards (Fox)
• November 13: Country Music Association Awards