PRO June 3, 2015

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DATEBOOK: JUNE 3, 2015

This is day 154 of 2015. There are 211 days remaining.

BIRTHDAYS

• Game-show host Chuck Barris (The Gong Show) is 86

• Cuban president Raul Castro is 84

• Penelope Wilton (Downton Abbey) is 69

• Scott Valentine (Nick Moore Family Ties) is 57

• TV newsman Anderson Cooper is 48

• Tennis pro Rafael Nadal is 29

IT HAPPENED TODAY

• 1888: The poem Casey at the Bat, by Ernest Lawrence Thayer, was published in the San Francisco Examiner.

• 1964: The Rolling Stones debuted on U.S. television on Hollywood Palace. Dean Martin hosted the show.

• 1965: For 21 minutes, Edward H. White floated free outside the space vehicle Gemini IV for the first time.

• 1980: The NBA Board of Governors voted to make the 3-point goal a permanent part of pro basketball. They drew the 3-point line at 23 feet 9 inches.

• 1981: Pope John Paul II left a Rome hospital and returned to the Vatican three weeks after an attempt on his life.

• 1982: Elvis Presley’s Memphis mansion, Graceland, opened as a tourist attraction.

• 1989: The government of China sent troops to force protesters out of Tienanmen Square after seven weeks of occupation.

• 1992: A day after clinching the Democratic presidential nomination, Bill Clinton donned shades and played the saxophone on The Arsenio Hall Show.

• 1997: Residents of the Dickinson, North Dakota, school district voted 2,035 to 569 to continue to call the high school sports teams the Dickinson Midgets. The name, chosen in the 1920s to honor a short basketball team, had been challenged by residents who felt it was inappropriate.

• 2005: An 8-inch french fry found by an Iowa bartender sold for nearly $200 on eBay. Mindy Marland said she was working at the Checkered Flag Bar & Grill when she spotted the unusually long french fry. Marland said she decided to sell it on eBay. Bids started at $1. By the time bidding ended, it had sold for $197.50. She also contacted the Guinness Book of Records after reading the record for the longest french fry was 6 3/4 inches.

SPECIAL EVENTS

• Running Day

• Repeat Day

• Egg Day

UPCOMING

• June 6: Belmont Stakes (Saturday)

• June 21: Father’s Day (Sunday)

• June 21: Summer begins (Sunday, 12:38PM Eastern)

• July 4: Independence Day (Saturday)

More holidays

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NUMBER FOR THE DAY

600,000: Patent applications filed each year with the U.S. Patent & Trademark Office.

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NEWS ATTACK!

In an effort to improve departure times Delta is experimenting with having their own staffers pre-load carry-on bags to see if they can do it faster than passengers. [They’re also pre-reclining all the seats as far back as possible, and pre-trashing the restrooms.]

Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenner ‘s first four children are refusing to be a part of her new reality show because they fear that it will be loud, ridiculous, and exploitative. [To which the producers replied, “We can only hope.”]

An international health panel now recommends that office workers get up from their chairs and be on their feet for at least four hours a day. [Does standing in line at Starbucks count?]

In Germany a teenager driver is fine but her car is totaled after she turned into the path of an oncoming British tank. [A British tank rolling down the streets of Germany? Is this an accident report from 1945?]

Scientists working in Florida report finding seven examples of young female sawfish having virgin births. [Or at least that’s what the sawfish are telling their parents.]

An Ohio woman who stiffed a cabbie on his fee for a 30-mile trip has been sentenced to walk 30 miles. [While continually signaling a left turn.]

E.L. James is writing a new Fifty Shades book from Christian Grey’s point of view. [This book is much shorter. All of the descriptive sex scenes are reduced to “…and then we totally DID it!” (Shout out to Nick Danjer for the line.)

A high school in Virginia has had to apologize to UPS after it blamed the carrier for losing 236 SATs when the SATs were in a school office the entire time. [So what’s the SAT score of the person in charge of handling their SATs?]

The chief of FIFA has resigned. [He wants to spend more time at home corrupting the grandchildren.]

A woman in England was sentenced to jail for repeatedly disturbing her neighbors with incredibly loud sex noises. [Oh, man, I love that Judi Dench.]

Two new species of mammal have been found in Australia that are what scientists call suicidally-sexed. The males will go 2 to 3 weeks having sex with as many different partners as possible with some sessions lasting up to 14 hours before they literally drop dead. [Humans call that Spring Break.]

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NEWS & NUGGETS

POLICE ARREST MAN IN CASE OF DOG’S MUZZLE TAPED SHUT _ Police in Charleston, South Carolina, arrested a man in connection with the animal cruelty case involving Caitlyn, an stray dog whose muzzle was taped shut last week. William Leonard Dodson was arrested on Monday and charged with ill treatment of animals-torture. The 15-month-old chocolate Staffordshire pup was found last Wednesday with black electrical tape wrapped around her muzzle, which trapped her tongue between her teeth painfully for several days. The Charleston Animal Society, which is currently caring for the dog, offered a $1,000 reward for the arrest and conviction of the person responsible for the crime. The Humane Society of the United States also offered up to $5,000. • IMAGE

… A Tuesday Facebook post from the Animal Society gave an update: “[Caitlyn] still has a long way to go in her recovery. She still faces surgery to repair her lips and possibly her tongue.” A fund has been set up to help with Caitlyn’s medical costs.

AN APP THAT WILL MAKE YOU NEVER WANT TO EAT JUNK FOOD AGAIN _ Google is working on an app that uses artificial intelligence to tell you how many calories are in the photo. It’s called Im2Calories, and in a demo given by Google researchers this week, it was able to tell you how many calories were on an eggs, toast, and bacon breakfast plate. It doesn’t require a high-resolution photo or the user to do anything fancy. It just looks, and tells you how healthy (or not) the food is.

… As a research project, the Im2Calories app may never see the light of day for the average user — though Google has gotten a patent on the technology.

“CAT LIBRARY” LETS WORKERS BORROW A KITTEN FOR THEIR WORK DAY _ If you’ve ever thought your work day could be improved by playing with a kitten at your desk, you should be jealous of workers in New Mexico. Government employees in Dona Ana County in New Mexico can head to their “library” of feline friends during the day and select a kitty to keep them company at their desk. And the plan benefits the kittens, too — the local animal shelter which brings them by says they need a little “special attention.” On average, there are about five cats available at a time. Employees can go play with them in the library, or take them to their office for as long as they want. • IMAGE

FB icon Start it on Facebook, take it to the phones: You may not be able to have kittens on the job, but what brings you comfort while you’re at work?

N.H. GOVERNOR BLOCKS BABY PICTURES ON BEER BOTTLES _ You have a cute baby, but it’s picture isn’t going to be on the front of any beer bottles in New Hampshire. The state’s governor on Tuesday vetoed a measure that would have allowed some images of minors to grace alcoholic beverage labels as long as they didn’t encourage young people to drink. A state representative who runs a popular tavern had sponsored the bill allowing minors on labels because he wanted to be able to buy Breakfast Stout. The beer’s label depicts a chubby baby scooping oatmeal into his mouth. The governor said allowing the images could undermine the state’s efforts to fight underage drinking and vetoed the measure.

SCAM DUPES JOB SEEKERS WITH 2,000 PUSH-UPS _ A small crime ring in China posted want-ads for bartenders, public relations managers and security guards promising monthly salaries between $800 and  $2,000. Each applicant was required to pay for a “pre-service training program.” The suspects would stress to applicants that the deposit would not be refunded if they quit. Part of the program included a high-intensity exercise portion, which included push-ups, sit-ups, squats and leapfrog, designed to force applicants to quit and forfeit their deposit. One applicant said he was required to do 2,000 push-ups. Police have arrested 8 people in the scam.

STUDENTS STAGE MASS WALK-OUT TO PROTEST PRINCIPAL’S DEMOTION _ Hundreds of Texas high school students tweeted photos of themselves on Tuesday as they defied a request to remain in class and took to the streets in protest. The protest at Frisco High School was organized in response to the recent demotion of the school’s principal, Sylvia Palacios. The Frisco superintendent visited the school on Tuesday and met with the student body leaders in an attempt to stop the demonstration. The school valedictorian offered to cancel the protest if Palacios was reinstated, but the super refused.

… After the news broke that Palacios was being reassigned at the end of the year to an assistant principal position, members of the school’s faculty and student body began questioning whether she was being punished for not bending to the demands of a few influential parents. Local media reported several incidents “in which parents demanded that teachers be disciplined, and Principal Palacios refused.”

AFTER 5-YEAR-OLD WITH DISABILITY WAS BULLIED, BIKERS HAD HER BACK _ Bikers may have a tough reputation, but what these guys did for a child who was bullied was simply sweet. A 5-year-old girl from Albuquerque, New Mexico was reportedly assaulted on the way back from school. After being told about the incident, the Punishers, a motorcycle club, surprised the girl who has a mental disability in an effort to make her feel empowered. The Punishers rounded up all the bikes and rode over to the little girl’s house and said “hi”.

… The motorcycle group, whose members include those in law enforcement, EMS personnel and firefighters, were asked to speak to the girl, who had been jumped by some neighborhood kids and beaten up. When they showed up to her house, they assured her that they’d have her back.

NASA TO TEST FLYING SAUCER _ People will be keeping an eye on the skies over Hawaii today (Wednesday). If all goes to plan, NASA will be testing a saucer-shaped craft that could hold the key to a future human mission to Mars. If conditions are suitable, an enormous balloon will lift the test vehicle carrying the disc-like Low-Density Supersonic Decelerator, or LDSD, to a height of 120,000 feet, or more than 20 miles above Earth. The test flight was originally scheduled for Tuesday but was postponed because of unfavorable ocean conditions.

GUY WANTS TO EAT 50 CONES IN ALL 50 STATES _ Some guy on GoFundMe is trying to raise $5,000 so he can travel around and eat an ice cream in each of the fifty U.S. states. He plans to post a video from each cone stop on his website (jzcrazy.com). He’s not getting a lot of support. At last check he’d raised only $120 of the $5,000. • LINK

WOMAN TALKS HERSELF OUT OF MUGGING AT KNIFEPOINT _ A young woman in China was able to talk herself out of being robbed at knifepoint with a show of compassion. A man began following her as she walked home one night last week. The man then blocked her outside her apartment holding a knife and demanded money. The woman says she remained calm and told the man, “I have no money. Please don’t hurt me. I can help if you are in trouble.” That’s all it took for the man to open up. He told her he had more than $15,000 in gambling debts. Noticing the man had accidentally cut his finger with his knife, the victim then offered to buy him a bandage. All the while, she assured him she would not call police. He eventually let her go, telling her to “forget about it.” However, she didn’t forget. She and her boyfriend soon reported the incident to police. Based on her description and surveillance footage gathered from the scene, officers were able to locate the guy less than a day later.

SILK PANTIES ONCE OWNED BY HITLER’S WIFE FOR SALE _ A pair of French silk underwear that once belonged to Adolf Hitler’s wife, Eva Braun, is on sale at an Ohio antiques shop. The high-waisted unmentionables, monogrammed with the initials “EB,” are being sold at the Mantiques store in Elmore, near Toledo. The store owner claims he bought the Nazi lingerie from a retired U.S. Air Force Major. The Major says he bought the undies from a 1st Lieutenant who claimed to have been present during the 1945 liberation of Berchtesgaden, Hitler’s Alps retreat. The 1st Lieutenant reportedly shipped the panties, alongside dozens of other items, back to the U.S. in 1945.

… Braun was 33 when she committed suicide alongside Hitler in a Berlin bunker at the war’s end. Her panties live on. The salmon-colored briefs can be had for $7,500.

N.J. RESIDENTS ADVISED NOT TO EAT FISH FROM THE SEWER _ As an adult you know a thing or two about what’s dangerous and what’s not. Teasing a wild raccoon can be dangerous. Riding your bike down the middle of a busy highway can be dangerous. And eating fish from the sewer can be dangerous. You just know these things, am I right? Because, well, you’re an adult and have brains. But some people in New Jersey aren’t as smart as you. A bunch of rain has pushed a bunch of fish out of their pond and stream homes and sent them up through the sewers, and officials are warning residents not to consume them.

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WACKY-BUT-TRUE

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: MAN’S RED UNDERWEAR LEADS TO BURGLARY ARREST _ Hempstead, New York, police say Taykim Ross stole electronics, Air Jordans sneakers and $200 from an apartment and stopped in the backyard to try on the new shoes. That’s when a neighbor snapped a photo of the suspect with red boxers visible above his jeans. An officer says he was returning after a search of the neighborhood when he noticed someone taking garbage out. And that someone was bending over with “bright red underwear.” Turns out, it was an exact match.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: MAN HURT IN FALL INTO SUBWAY GRATE TRYING TO GET KEYS _ If you drop your keys on the sidewalk, go ahead and pick them up. If you drop them in a subway grate, call for help. A Long Island, New York, man dropped his keys into a sidewalk subway grate, opened it up and tried to climb down to get them when he slipped and fell 20 feet, seriously hurting himself Tuesday morning.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: PAKISTANI POLITICIAN BLAMES WOMEN IN JEANS FOR EARTHQUAKES _ A Pakistani politician says women wearing jeans can be blamed for earthquakes, inflation and natural disasters. The politician said women who are not covered like a “sack of flour” are weapons of mass destruction to Pakistan, and that the country has an abundance of such ‘missiles’ in all its major cities. He blamed their appearance for Pakistan’s troubles.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: SEX EDUCATION TEACHER TAKES STUDENTS TO ADULT STORE _ A sex education teacher has upset more than a few parents after taking students on a field trip to an adult novelty store in Minneapolis. Starri Hedges took about a dozen middle- and high-school-aged students to the Smitten Kitten last week. Hedges said she wanted to provide a safe and welcoming environment for students to learn about human sexual behavior. She says the field trip offered access to products that can be used to practice safer sex. She says some students bought condoms.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: MAN SEVERELY BURNED AFTER PROTEIN SHAKE CONTAINER EXPLODES _ A student in England was severely burned after his protein shake container exploded in his face. Dion Chilton poured boiling water into the plastic container to sterilize it. He placed the lid on it but the high heat and pressure caused it to explode. Doctors say he suffered third degree burns but will not suffer any permanent damage or scarring.

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ON TELEVISION

2015 STANLEY CUP FINALS (8p ET, NBC) — The Chicago Blackhawks take on the Lightning in Tampa Bay in Game 1 of the championship series.

THE BRIEFCASE (8p ET, CBS) — New

THE MIDDLE (8p ET, ABC) — Repeat

MASTERCHEF (8p ET, FOX) — New

ARROW (8p ET, CW) — Repeat

THE GOLDBERGS (8:30p ET, ABC) — Repeat

CRIMINAL MINDS (9p ET, CBS) — Repeat

MODERN FAMILY (9p ET, ABC) — Repeat

BULLSEYE (9p ET, FOX) — New

SUPERNATURAL (9p ET, CW) — Repeat

BLACKISH (9:30p ET, ABC) — Repeat

CELEBRITY WIFE SWAP (10p ET, ABC) — In this new edition, actor Jeremy London’s wife swaps lives with Jackie Siegel.

CSI: CYBER (10p ET, CBS) — Repeat

SERIES FINALE: HOT IN CLEVELAND (10p ET, TV Land) — After 6 seasons, Hot in Cleveland says goodbye with an hour long episode.

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ENTERTAINMENT

VANITY FAIR’S CAITLYN JENNER COVER REACHED 46 MILLION _ Traffic stats show that Caitlyn Jenner’s story rocketed across the Internet on Monday, setting traffic records for Vanity Fair’s website and spawning thousands of articles on other sites. A spokesperson for Vanity Fair said that the magazine had reached more than 46 million people combined across its website and Facebook, YouTube and Twitter accounts.

EXACTLY HOW (AND WHY) CAITLYN JENNER CHOSE HER NEW NAME _ One of the many questions one everyone’s minds after Caitlyn Jenner’s Vanity Fair cover was released was: what lead reality star to choose the new moniker? Jenner explained how she came to the decision in her interview with the magazine, saying, “It’s one of the hardest things in life — choosing your own name.” She admitted that she tried to come up with ideas for her name by watching Miss America pageants, browsing the contestants to see if anything sparked her interest. And while Jenner says she liked the name Heather or Cathy, Caitlyn always stuck with her. She said that at one point, her assistant randomly mentioned liking the name Caitlyn. Jenner took the coincidence as a sign, and decided to go ahead with it spelled with a C as opposed to a K — something the Kardashians and Jenners have seemingly trademarked over the years.

BECOMING CAITLYN JENNER WAS NO CHEAP FEAT _ Vanity Fair’s blockbuster reveal of Caitlyn Jenner exploded on social media with discussions of everything from her personal happiness to the celebrities Jenner resembled (Jessica Lange, Cindy Crawford and others). But one piece of information was largely absent — both in the article and in the online chatter: the cost for Caitlyn to make the transition from Bruce. According to doctors who specialize in the surgeries Caitlyn Jenner reportedly underwent, they do not come cheap, possibly costing up to $100,000.

… The Vanity Fair article outlined some of the surgeries Jenner underwent, including a breast augmentation, a tracheal shave — to reshape and “feminize” her throat — a nose job, and facial feminization — a reshaping of the hairline, forehead, jaw and chin.

CLINT EASTWOOD TO DIRECT HERO PILOT SULLENBERGER BIOPIC _ Clint Eastwood has lined up his next directing project, this time a biopic of American hero pilot Captain Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger. The film will tell the story of Sullenberger, who made national headlines in 2009 when he landed a disabled jet on the Hudson River. All 155 passengers aboard survived.

UMA THURMAN TO STAR IN FILM BASED ON 9/11 ATTACKS  _ Uma Thurman is getting ready to act in a European drama based on events leading up to the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Parisian screenwriter Xavier Nemo is set to direct The 11th. We only know that Uma Thurman will play an “obsessive cop.” The precise plot has not been revealed, but Uma will be among eight interwoven stories in the 24 hours before the September 11 terrorist attacks.

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT RETURNS TO NETFLIX NEXT YEAR _ Arrested Development will return to Netflix in 2016. The hurdle, of course, is getting the actors back on the set — and many of them are busy. Jeffrey Tambor is starring in Transparent, Tony Hale’s on Veep, Alia Shawkat has been on Broad City, Will Arnett voiced The Lego Movie, David Cross is working on a new Mr. Show, Michael Cera died in This Is the End, and Jason Bateman’s in the upcoming film The Gift.

BOBBY FLAY HONORED ON HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME _ Bobby Flay had a lot to celebrate on Tuesday — he was the first chef to be honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Flay was joined by his mom Dorothy along with his 19-year-old daughter Sophie and his ex-wife, Sophie’s mom Kate Connelly.

DANCING ALUM NASTIA LIUKIN IS ENGAGED _ It’s no gold medal, but it will do. Former Olympic gymnast and recent Dancing with the Stars competitor Nastia Liukin is engaged to her boyfriend, Matthew Lombardi.

FOX IS DEVELOPING A PRISON BREAK REVIVAL _ Following this week’s news that Fox is developing another 24 reboot without series star Kiefer Sutherland, this next bit of news should probably come as no surprise. Apparently network is also eyeing a limited series revival of Prison Break. At least this one is said to have its original stars attached.

… Prison Break originally aired on Fox from 2005 to 2009 and starred Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell. The actors recently reunited when they both guest-starred on Season 1 of The CW’s breakaway hit The Flash. They will reunite again when they reprise those same roles on the network’s new midseason drama DC’s Legends of Tomorrow.

TAYLOR SWIFT EXPLAINS WHAT’S GOING ON IN AWKWARD HIKING PIC _ A photo of Taylor Swift hiking backwards with a man in front of her surfaced on Tumblr after fans began speculating what was going on. Taylor caught wind of what was going on, so she decided to give her admirers some clarity: “I saw the guy with the camera and wasn’t in the mood so I hiked the whole trail backwards and my security told me when to make turns.”

TEASER TRAILER FOR PIXAR’S NEW ANIMATED EPIC _ What if the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs didn’t? What if it just whizzed by, and the dinosaurs continued doing their thing? That’s the question that Disney and Pixar answer in The Good Dinosaur. The trailer, which debuted Tuesday afternoon, has plenty of that Pixar magic and gives audiences their first look at the film’s lead character, a green apatosaurus named Arlo. • VIDEO

RUMOR: JON FAVREAU AND MATTHEW VAUGHN LOOKING AT STAR WARS _ A new report says Jon Favreau and Matthew Vaughn, two directors who were right in the middle of talks to direct Star Wars: The Force Awakens, are potentially looking at directing the third Anthology film, coming in 2018. This film could be a Yoda movie we’d heard about months ago, or the Boba Fett movie that’s been talked about.

KIM KARDASHIAN’S DUE DATE REVEALED _ Just days after Kim Kardashian and Kanye West revealed she is expecting baby No. 2, a source says Kim is due in December.

CHANNING TATUM GOES UNDERCOVER TO PRANK FANS _ Channing Tatum, who stars in the upcoming sequel Magic Mike, went undercover to surprise a lucky group of fans attending an advance screening of Magic Mike XXL, which hits theaters July 1. The prank video kicks off with a makeup and costume team turning Tatum from the Sexiest Man Alive into a marketing representative who’s questioning them about the movie. Just before the screening was to begin, a group of shirtless dancers wove through the audience with an impromptu performance. Tatum joined the guys, even grinding in the lap of one ecstatic lady before ripping off his glasses and fake facial hair to reveal his identity. • VIDEO

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BITS & BREAKS

TOP TV SHOWS

Week of May 25-31

1. America’s Got Talent (Tuesday), NBC, 11.09 million

2. NBA Playoffs: Houston vs. Golden State (Wednesday), ESPN, 8.89 million

3. NCIS, CBS, 8.57 million

4. NBA Playoffs: Golden State vs. Houston (Monday), ESPN, 8.28 million

5. 60 Minutes, CBS, 8.26 million

6. NCIS: New Orleans, CBS, 7.77 million

7. The Big Bang Theory, CBS, 7.61 million

8. Game of Thrones, HBO, 7.01 million

9. The Briefcase, CBS, 6.87 million

10. Criminal Minds, CBS, 6.71 million

11. Dateline NBC (Thursday), NBC, 6.41 million

12. I Can Do That, NBC, 6.4 million

13. Blue Bloods, CBS, 6.34 million

14. NBA Playoffs: Atlanta vs. Cleveland (Tuesday), TNT, 6.27 million

15. Dateline NBC (Sunday), NBC, 6.23 million

16. American Ninja Warrior, NBC, 5.87 million

17. CSI: Cyber, CBS, 5.69 million

18. Aquarius, NBC, 5.67 million

19. 48 Hours (Tuesday), CBS, 5.62 million

20. Bones, Fox, 5.42 million

NEW IN THEATERS TODAY

ENTOURAGE (R)

Movie star Vincent Chase, together with his boys Eric, Turtle, and Johnny, are back – and back in business with super agent-turned-studio head Ari Gold.

• Adrian Grenier, Jeremy Piven, Kevin Connolly, Kevin Dillon, Jerry Ferrara
• Links: websitetrailerreviews

FRIDAY IS DONUT DAY

Chris reminded us in the Facebook group that Friday, June 5, is Donut Day — which means a free donut at Dunkin’ Donuts. He suggests organizing a run on your local DD to see how many times one person can get through the line. Thing is, the donut is free when you buy a beverage.

… So we suggest putting your stunt guy near the order board and paying for coffee for an hour or so. That means a free donut and coffee from your amazing morning show.

… Set it up in advance. As long as your paying the local DD management shouldn’t care.

IT TAKES HOW MUCH WATER TO MAKE THAT SMOOTHIE?!

In March, amid a worsening drought, California barred restaurants from serving water to customers except upon request. What about other beverages someone might order along with brunch or dinner? There’s a good chance their raw ingredients include crops like grapes, oranges, barley, or apples harvested in California. The state produces 105 million gallons of craft beer and 729 million gallons of wine every year.

Here’s an idea of the amount of water needed to irrigate raw ingredients in some common drinks.

• One glass of tomato juice: 7 gallons

• One glass of grapefruit juice: 8.5 gallons

• One glass of wine: 13 gallons

• A bottle of beer: 14.5 gallons

• One glass of apple juice: 22.5 gallons

• A small strawberry-banana smoothie: 43 gallons

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FUN & GAMES

TRIVIA: 65% of Americans say they would support this as their national food. (Bacon)

TRIVIA: 125 million copies of this have been sold. (Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy books. A fourth was just announced.)

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JOKE OF THE DAY

An older man had a young and attractive wife who was always pregnant. Following the birth of their twentieth child, the husband decided it wasn’t fair keeping her pregnant all the time. After considerable soul- searching, he began to consider committing suicide as a possible solution. So he went down into the basement, tied a rope around a ceiling rafter, stood on a chair, tied the other end of the rope around his neck and got ready to jump off and hang himself. Then he paused, untied the rope, stepped down and said, “Wait a minute… I could be hanging an innocent man!”

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VIDEO OF THE DAY

Parents, take note — this is how your kids will be squabbling in the future.

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IMAGE OF THE DAY

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LAST MINUTE ITEMS

• Tarantino’s film homages. A side-by-side comparison.

• Mad Max: Fury Road before and after.

• Companies with the best lifetime warranties.

• Guy replaces pet names in local pet store with new hilarious labels.

• Classic cars next to their modern version.

• The E.T. sequel that fortunately never happened.

Eat This Much automatically creates meal plans that meet your diet goals.

• An architect wants to build an underwater tennis court in Dubai.

• Mac users: get the fantastic Forecast Bar.

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DATEBOOK: JUNE 4, 2015

This is day 155 of 2015. There are 210 days remaining.

BIRTHDAYS

• Bruce Dern is 79

• Singer-actress Michelle Phillips (The Mamas and The Papas) is 71

• Parker Stevenson (Baywatch) is 63

• Keith David (Barbershop) is 59

• Sean Pertwee (Gotham) is 51

• Scott Wolf (Party of Five) is 47

• Horatio Sanz (Saturday Night Live) is 46

• Noah Wyle is 44

• Russell Brand is 40

• Angelina Jolie is 40

• Theo Rossi (Sons of Anarchy) is 40

• Model Bar Refaeli is 30

IT HAPPENED TODAY

• 1896: Henry Ford made a successful pre-dawn test run of his horseless carriage, called a quadricycle, through the streets of Detroit.

• 1937: Grocery chain owner Sylvan Goldman introduced the shopping cart at his Humpty Dumpty store in Oklahoma City. Goldman’s first cart was wheels and a basket on a folding chair.

• 1969: 22-year-old Armando Ramirez sneaked into the wheel pod of a jet plane at Havana airport and flew nine hours at 29,000 feet to Spain. Despite very thin oxygen and minus-40-degree temperatures, he survived.

• 1973: The patent for the ATM was granted.

• 1984: The album “Born in the U.S.A.” by Bruce Springsteen was released.

• 1989 The Tiananmen Square protests were violently ended in Chinese capital city Beijing with People’s Liberation Army soldiers and tanks.

• 1992: The U.S. Postal Service announced the results of a nationwide vote on the Elvis Presley stamp, saying more people preferred the “younger Elvis” design.

• 1998: A federal judge sentenced Terry Nichols to life in prison for his role in the Oklahoma City bombing.

• 2002: A young Swedish girl who suffered for seven months with breathing problems finally got relief when a surgeon removed a peanut from her nose.

• 2003: Martha Stewart stepped down as head of her media empire, hours after federal prosecutors in New York charged her with obstruction of justice, conspiracy, securities fraud and lying to investigators.

• 2008: Residents of a wealthy neighborhood in Florida suffering a two-year drought went public with their dissatisfaction with singer Celine Dion. They claimed her home was using almost 18,000 gallons of water per day.

2009: President Barack Obama addressed the Muslims of the world in a speech in Cairo, saying America has a common cause with Islam and never will be at war with the faith.

SPECIAL EVENTS

• Tailors Day

• Hug Your Cat Day

• Eggs Benedict Day

• Cheese Day

UPCOMING

• June 6: Belmont Stakes (Saturday)

• June 21: Father’s Day (Sunday)

• June 21: Summer begins (Sunday, 12:38PM Eastern)

• July 4: Independence Day (Saturday)

More holidays

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