PRO January 28, 2016

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Audio • Bits & Breaks • Datebook • Datebook Tomorrow • Entertainment • Fun & Games • Image of the Day • Joke of the Day! • Last Minute Items • News & Nuggets • News Attack • Number for the Day • Television • Video of the Day • Wacky-But-True

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DATEBOOK: JANUARY 28, 2016

This is day 28 of 2016. There are 338 days remaining.

BIRTHDAYS

• Alan Alda is 80

• Sarah McLachlan is 48

• Kathryn Morris (Cold Case) is 47

• Mo Rocca is 47

• Joey Fatone of ‘N Sync is 39

• Nick Carter of Backstreet Boys is 36

• Elijah Wood is 35

• Yuri Sardarov (Chicago Fire) is 28

• Ariel Winter (Modern Family) is 18

IT HAPPENED TODAY

• 1813: Pride and Prejudice was first published in the United Kingdom. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is in theaters in February.

• 1878: Yale Daily News became the first daily college newspaper in the United States.

• 1887: In a snowstorm at Fort Keogh, Montana, the world’s largest snowflakes were reported: 15 inches wide and 8 inches thick.

• 1958: Godtfred Kirk Christiansen patented the Lego brick.

• 1985: USA for Africa recorded the hit single We Are the World, to help raise funds for Ethiopian famine relief.

• 1986: The Space Shuttle Challenger broke apart 73 seconds after liftoff, killing all seven astronauts onboard, including Christa McAuliffe, who was supposed to be the first teacher in space.

• 2006: In Leavenworth, Kansas, Thomas Haynes was an enterprising young drug dealer. So enterprising that he had some business cards made up to advertise himself as the town’s “boss” drug dealer. Police officers got one of the cards, called the number, set up the buy and when he showed up to make the delivery he was arrested.

• 2013: John Kerry was voted to succeed Hillary Rodham Clinton as the United States Secretary of State.

SPECIAL EVENTS

• Kazoo Day

• Fun at Work Day

• Blueberry Pancake Day

UPCOMING

• February 7: Super Bowl 50

• February 14: Valentine’s Day

• March 15: NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament begins

• More holidays

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NUMBER FOR THE DAY

181 million: People who watch time-shifted (DVR) TV each month.

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NEWS ATTACK!

Scientists now say that by 2050 there will be more plastic in the oceans than there will be fish. [Oh yeah, like humans will be around to worry about that.]

Generations ago the east coast of the United States was loaded with American chestnut trees, but then a fungus nearly wiped them all out. Now researchers are bringing back the American chestnut tree to help fight global warming, but this time they’re making it genetically stronger [I can hear the song now… “Bioengineered chestnuts roasting on a sustainable fuel fire.”]

Atomic scientists announced this week that the hands on the world’s figurative Doomsday Clock remain at a scary three minutes to midnight because of tension between the U.S. and Russia and because of North Korea’s nuclear tests. [And because Coldplay is performing at the Super Bowl.]

The recent blizzard in D.C. kept most senators from showing up for work Tuesday. In fact, the only senators present were women. [Finally, the senate could get some real work done.]

Baltimore Ravens offensive lineman John Urschel is spending his offseason pursuing a doctorate in math from MIT. [Let’s face it, a plain old bachelors’ degree just won’t getting you in the starting lineup anymore in today’s NFL.]

Little House on The Prairie is being made into a movie. [It’ll be completely faithful to the book and TV series — except for the nudity, the hobbits and the lightsabers.]

Little House on The Prairie is being made into a movie. [It’ll be completely faithful to the book and TV series — except the part where Laura is accepted to wizard school.]

Some guy who looks like Bradley Cooper is crashing parties at the Sundance Film Festival. [Fans, who mistook him for the real Bradley Cooper, have been praising him on social media. They say that they knew he was a good actor, but they didn’t know just how good an actor he was until they met him and realized that in real life he has a British accent.]

Zach Galifanakis says that he regrets making Hangover II and III. [Does that mean that he’s going to give me my money back?]

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NEWS & NUGGETS

SENATOR IS TIRED OF CHANGING CLOCKS BACK AND FORTH _ A South Dakota senate panel has approved a lawmaker’s push to make it permanently Daylight Saving Time in South Dakota because she’s sick of changing her clocks. Sen. Betty Olson’s bill says South Dakota “elects to reject standard time.” The Republican lawmaker says she prefers standard time, but her husband likes Daylight Saving Time, so she went with that as a compromise in the bill.

Should the country dump Daylight Saving Time?

DANCER WHO LOST LEG IN BOSTON MARATHON BOMBING WILL RUN IT _ A professional ballroom dancer who lost a leg in the Boston Marathon bombings says she’s training to run this year’s race: all 26.2 miles of it. Adrianne Haslet-Davis says she’ll run to help raise money and awareness for Limbs for Life, an Oklahoma City-based organization that provides prostheses to low-income amputees who can’t afford an artificial limb. Haslet-Davis lost her left leg below the knee in the April 2013 attacks. She said she’s up to 10 miles in training, using a carbon-fiber blade to help fulfill a promise she made to herself after the attacks — a vow, she jokes, “that I made while I was doped up on Vicodin.” The Boston Marathon’s 120th running will be held April 18.

8 IN 10 OF US AREN’T READY TO BAN TIPPING _ In hopes of providing better compensation to employees, restaurants across America have begun to move away from tipping and toward service surcharges. But the vast majority of American diners want tipping to stay. A study (conducted by Horizon Media) found 81 percent of restaurant-going adults aren’t ready to ban tipping. Those against the change said they prefer the decision to control tips based on a positive service experience. They’re worried built-in surcharges will lead to less accountability and poor service.

… Among those who are in favor of eliminating traditional tipping, 34 percent said they are willing to pay an additional 15 percent per menu item. Ten percent are willing to pay 18 to 25 percent more.

… Which states tip the best?

• Alaska – 17% average tip
• Arkansas – 16.9% average tip
• North Carolina – 16.7% average tip
• West Virginia – 16.7% average tip
• South Carolina – 16.7% average tip
• New Mexico – 16.6% average tip
• Illinois – 16.5% average tip
• Mississippi – 16.5% average tip
• Arizona – 16.5% average tip
• Missouri – 16.5% average tip

… See the full list of states here.

DeLOREANS TO GO BACK TO PRODUCTION _ The last time a DeLorean was built was about 35 years ago. But next year you’ll be able to buy a new 2017 DeLorean to satisfy your deepest Back to the Future dreams. The new production plan is itself something of a time warp. The cars will be built from an inventory of a million spare parts that have been in storage ever since the Belfast plant closed. Only the engine will be a creature of the 21st century.

MAN THREW TOMATOES AT TRUMP DURING IOWA SPEECH _ A 28-year-old Iowa man got old-school in his disapproval of Donald Trump on Tuesday, allegedly tossing two tomatoes at the Republican frontrunner during a campaign stop at the University of Iowa. Andrew Alemao was arrested by University of Iowa police and the Secret Service on suspicion of disorderly conduct. He was released Wednesday morning.

MAN SAYS HE PUNCHED SHARK WHILE SURFING IN HAWAII _ A Minnesota man said he was able to ward off a shark attack while paddle boarding on vacation in Hawaii. Matt Mason punched the 14-foot tiger shark in the back after it attacked his board as he and his wife swam in the water. The 48-year-old says he yelled “shark” three times. He ended up landing on the shark’s back. The whole time his wife is behind him yelling, “Hit him! Hit him!” So he did. With his wife’s help, Mason was able to scare off the shark and swim frantically toward the shore. Once on dry land, Mason appeared to be in good spirits as he joked with a crowd of witnesses, saying, “I’d really like a beer.”

… What Mason said he wanted most, other than a brew, was to keep the rented board that saved his life, so he asked staff at the Four Seasons Hotel if he could take it home to Minnesota. The hotel agreed and sold the board to him for $500, and even offered to ship it to his home — where Mason said he hopes to put it to good use on a local lake — where he won’t have to worry about sharks.

NEW YORK CITY WILL ALLOW PUBLIC URINATION — FOR $25 _ New York City Council passed legislation making some violations like public urination, littering, making excessive noise, and turnstile jumping minor offenses. The new rules create civil penalties instead of criminal ones for “low-level offenses.” In New York City, public urination will cost you $25.

PEOPLE ARE PAYING FOR SCARY 3D MODELS OF UNBORN BABIES _ A business in England will print a 3D rendering of an unborn child. Each 8-inch Baby Boo Scan is sculpted using ultrasound data and converted into a 360-degree format before it is 3D printed. It looks like a mask.

MAN WAS WATCHING PORN BEFORE FATAL CRASH _ (CAUTION) The Michigan State Police Department said this week that a man who died after rolling his car on an interstate on-ramp was watching pornography while driving. The driver was not wearing a seat belt when he lost control and rolled the car. He was partially ejected through the sunroof and died on scene. State police also said the 58-year-old man was not wearing pants at the time of the crash.

MAN FINDS TIME CAPSULE AND THE 79-YEAR-OLD WHO HID IT _ While renovating the basement of a historic home in Pueblo, Colorado, Mark Knecht was tearing out some cabinets when he came across a Mason jar that contained a curled-up piece of paper and other small items. As he unraveled the yellowed scroll of paper, Knecht began to read the charmingly worded, typed message of 12-year-old Billy Gilbert. It read: “This house was constructed in 1929. Our name is Gilbert. There are four of us. My father’s name is Bill. My grandfather’s name is Bill, also my great-grandfather’s name is Bill.” Billy also noted that he had an Irish setter, two kittens and a bird. From his stamp collection, he placed several into the jar, including one from 1892, along with a coin dated 1944 and an Indian head penny. There was also a family picture. After a brief Internet search centered around the Gilbert name, Knecht discovered a newspaper obituary for Billy’s sister, who died in July. The obit said she was survived by a brother named William. And there was an email address of a Carrie Lewis on the memorial page. So he scanned the letter and the family picture and sent it, along with a note explaining the situation. Two days later, Knecht received a phone call from “little” Billy Gilbert, now 79 and living in the Seattle area. Knecht expressed his desire to return the time capsule to its owner. Billy seemed pretty excited and offered to pay the postage to mail it. But Knecht told him, “I’ll do you one better. My daughter and I are coming up to Seattle to visit, and I will bring you the time capsule.”

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WACKY-BUT-TRUE

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: POLICE CONFUSE SINGING WITH SCREAMING _ Police in Amsterdam mistakenly kicked in the door of a local opera singer after residents called in reports of a man screaming.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: MAN ALLEGEDLY SMUGGLED LIVE BIRDS IN HIS PANTS _ A traveler arriving from Cuba at Miami International was caught trying to smuggle nine live birds in his pants. Customs officials found three birds in the man’s pants and another six crammed into small plastic tubes inside a fanny pack.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: THIEF DRUNKENLY STEALS PORCELAIN DOG FROM PUB _ In November, Belfast, Ireland’s Sweet Afton Bar & Kitchen took to Facebook to report the disappearance of Cedric — one of two porcelain dog statues that have sat in the pub for years. Sweet Afton issued a description of Cedric and offered a reward. They waited weeks, but no one came forward. And Cedric’s porcelain pal Cecil was left sitting on the shelf alone. Finally the pub bought a replacement porcelain dog. But then Cecil was stolen. This time, however, a pub patron anonymously returned Cecil with a note apologizing for his or her drunk antics.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: ‘BODY’ FLOATING OFF COAST WAS SEX DOLL _ (CAUTION) Rescue crews spent 90 minutes scouring the water off the coast of England after a person was reported struggling in the water. Rescue teams found an inflatable sex doll. The doll was dressed in polka-dot pants and a T-shirt.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: POKER PLAYER’S CORPSE EMBALMED SO FRIENDS COULD PLAY _ A Puerto Rican poker fanatic who died recently enjoyed his favorite game one last time when he was embalmed and dressed to join his friends at the table. The family of 31-year-old Henry Rosario Martinez planned for his wake to be centered around the card game following his sudden death a couple of weeks ago. Martinez was seated at the poker table, as friends and family posed for pictures with the deceased, who was wearing a New York Yankees cap. The staff at Eternal Light Funeral Home (in Barceloneta) said it was the first time they’d done anything like that.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: WOMAN WAKES UP TO EXOTIC ANIMAL CARESSING HER _ An elderly woman in Miami woke up to quite a surprise when she found an exotic animal caressing her face. Late Monday night, the woman was startled when she woke up staring at a kinkajou, which is a cross between a raccoon and monkey. The woman screamed in panic and the animal scurried away into the attic. A family friend with exotic animal experience helped rescue the animal. The friend googled kinkajou sounds and found a video. She played the sounds with the speaker held up to the ceiling, and the animal emerged. She then used cherries to help lure the hungry and frightened animal into a cage.

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ON TELEVISION

THE BIG BANG THEORY (8p ET, CBS) — Repeat

AMERICAN IDOL (8p ET, FOX) — Hollywood week continues in this new, 2-hour edition.

PREMIERE: YOU, ME AND THE APOCALYPSE (8p ET, NBC) — This 10-episode dramedy mini-series about the end of the world stars Rob Lowe, Megan Mullally, Jenna Fischer and Joel Fry (Game of Thrones). After the announcement that a comet will hit Earth in 34 days, the story follows an unusual cast of characters dealing with the end of the world in their own weird way. Lowe plays a rebellious priest, Fischer is a librarian sent to prison for a crime she didn’t commit, and Mullally plays a fellow inmate that also happens to be a crazy white supremacist.

BEYOND THE TANK (8p ET, ABC) — New

DC’S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW (8p ET, CW) — New

LIFE IN PIECES (8:30p ET, CBS) — Repeat

THE BLACKLIST (9p ET, NBC) — New

MOM (9p ET, CBS) — Repeat

FINALE: MY DIET IS BETTER THAN YOURS (9p ET, ABC) — The contestants run a 5k to finish out the season.

THE 100 (9p ET, CW) — New

TOP CHEF (9p ET, Bravo) — In this new edition, the chefs cook for a black-tie event for diners including Colin Hanks (Life in Pieces), comedian Max Silvestri and writer/producer Matt Selman (The Simpsons).

ANGEL FROM HELL (9:30p ET, CBS) — New

SHADES OF BLUE (10p ET, NBC) — New

ELEMENTARY (10p ET, CBS) — New

LIP SYNC BATTLE (10p ET, Spike TV) — Comedians Chris D’Elia and Brent Morin compete in this new episode.

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ENTERTAINMENT

RAPPER PROMISES TO DONATE $1 MILLION IN WATER BOTTLES TO FLINT _ He may be on tour overseas, but The Game is very in-tune with what is happening stateside. The rapper has donated $500,000 of his own money to Flint, Michigan, to help with their water crisis. He also added that the water bottle company Avita Water will donate the additional $500,000. The Game told fans on Instagram that he has family living in Flint.

… He called out celebrities Jimmy Fallon and Madonna for their “cute” donations, challenging them to match his donation. He said: “I challenge both & anyone else in the world to match me & DONATE $1,000,000 in bottled water to Flint, Michigan & we want proof, shipping order receipts, bank wire receipts, pictures etc.

TYRA BANKS WELCOMES SON YORK _ Tyra Banks is a mom. The 42-year-old former supermodel announced she and boyfriend, Swedish photographer Erik Asla, welcomed a baby boy via surrogate on Wednesday. They’ve named the tot York Banks Asla.

THE BACHELOR’S CHRIS SOULES SUING FARMERS ONLY DATING SITE _ Chris Soules is suing dating website FarmersOnly.com. Soules alleges the dating service used his likeness in advertisements. While the advertisements did not use Soules’ name, the lawsuit alleges it advertised “a bachelor farmer in search of love” who fell for a city girl, a relationship that ended in failure.

… According to the lawsuit, FarmersOnly.com made Soules “identifiable from the combination of a picture with a blacked-out person” as well as a reference to how his relationship with his ex-fianceé from the show failed because he “picked a city girl.” The lawsuit claims the ad said that the man would have fared better had he gone to FarmersOnly.com and met a country girl.

FACEBOOK REACHES 100M HOURS OF DAILY VIDEO VIEWING _ Facebook’s visitors are watching more than 100 million hours of video there every day.

PRETTY IN PINK HEADED BACK TO THEATERS IN FEBRUARY _ Pretty in Pink was released in theaters on February 28, 1986, which makes next month the 30th anniversary for the film. And in honor of the anniversary, the film starring Molly Ringwald, Jon Cryer and Andrew McCarthy is coming back to select theaters for a two-day event.

… Pretty in Pink will be back in theaters on February 14 and February 17 for two showings at 2pm and 7pm local time. Check your theater for local listings or the Fathom Events website.

TRADE A NEW, USED INSTRUMENT FOR TICKETS TO HEAR MANILOW _ Singer-songwriter Barry Manilow is trying to help spur donations of musical instruments to the International School of Louisiana in New Orleans. Manilow plans to donate a Yamaha piano to launch the instrument drive and anyone who donates a new or gently used instrument today (Thursday) or Friday will receive two free tickets to his January 29 show at the Smoothie King Center. The Manilow Music Project has conducted similar instrument drives all over the country to help “bring the gift of music” to kids.

GEORGE CLOONEY IS RESCUE DOG’S HERO _ George Clooney recently adopted a dog no one wanted from an Ohio animal rescue. As the LuvFurMutts rescue explains on Facebook, Nate the terrier was rescued out of a dog hoarding situation, and he was skinny with a barrel chest and a birth defect — “a leg that swayed” and caused him to walk “like a hyena.” People stared and pointed at adoption events, but after nine months, he had yet to find a home. Clooney had been following the dog’s story online, though, and he shared it with his mother, who “fell in love.” Clooney’s parents had recently lost their terrier, and the actor’s dad wasn’t bothered by Nate’s funny walk.

… Clooney’s personal assistant arranged for the adoption, and for Nate to be delivered to Nick and Nina Clooney on Christmas Eve. George and Amal Clooney also made a donation to the rescue that covered the cost of Nate’s prior medical care and more.

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AUDIO

Newest on the PRO AUDIO page.

• SUPER BOWL: Super Bowl clips package

• WEIGHT WATCHERS: Oprah’s “love bread” commercial that debuted 1/26

• WEIGHT WATCHERS: No, Oprah REALLY loves bread.

• CONTEST: Mystery Voice – Neil deGrasse Tyson

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BITS & BREAKS

TELL US ABOUT THE TIME YOUR COOL KID MADE YOU LAUGH

A guy shared this on reddit: “I took my daughter to see Star Wars, and since we don’t see movies often I told her she could get whatever she wanted at the concession stand. She got a popcorn, some Sour Patch Kids, and I got some pretzel bites. I asked her if she wanted a drink, and she said sure so I got two small sodas. The theater had those cool new Coke machines where you can pick your own flavor, so she goes over to fill up … and salt the heck out of the popcorn. Into the movie, I am parched from all the salt and had already killed my Diet Coke, so I asked her if I could have some of her drink. She said sure. I grabbed her cup and took a big drink of WATER. I was like, “Dude! I paid 6 bucks for this!” and she was like, “Dude! Water is the best!”

BUY HIM FLOWERS FOR VALENTINE’S DAY

Guys almost never get flowers. Here’s a fun bit you can do with a female listener. Hook up with a local florist and have flowers delivered to her husband on Valentine’s Day (a Sunday). Sign the card “Tina” or something. Talk to the wife the next day (Monday) to find out how the husband reacted to getting flowers from a woman he didn’t know. Talk the hubby, too, and find out how long his wife strung him along.

YOU HAVE TO LEARN THE SMALL STUFF YOURSELF

The late David Bowie once told Conan O’Brien: “We get taught about all the big stuff. So it’s really all the small stuff you have to learn yourself.” Bowie was talking about cologne — cheap cologne. His advice: Don’t buy.

A newspaper writer (Bill Flick) in Bloomington, Illinois, came up with a list of his own “small stuff” lessons.

• The vacuum cord is never long enough.

• Smell the roses. Just don’t expect to get them on sale in February.

• Never marry a girl whose father calls her “Princess.”

• Always needing to be right is one sure way to not be liked.

• The guy and girl voted “best looking” in your high school class will never show up at reunions.

• At 18, you will spend your money on a great car stereo system. For the rest of your life then, you will roll up your car window so you don’t have to hear other 18-year-olds’ investments.

• Humans are the only animal on Earth that’s dumb enough to need a wristwatch.

• If you don’t think attitude is everything, just think how you can instantly detect everyone else’s.

• This is Victoria’s secret: Underwear is danged expensive.

• Always order the salad dressing on the side. You get more.

• At the restaurant, never sit by the couple who you notice laughing at the antics of their 3-year-old.

• Remember that everyone today has a short attention span. It’s not just a clinical disorder anymore.

• For your vacation, pack half as much clothing as you think you’ll need and twice as much cash as you think you’ll use.

• When buying a home, make sure the neighbor’s house across the street is attractive — that’s the only house you’ll have to look at.

• To see how neat or organized a person actually is, simply look inside their car.

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FUN & GAMES

TRIVIA: Millions of people get them every month, but Ida May Fuller of Ludlow, Vermont, was the first person in the U.S. to ever receive one. (A Social Security check. She received the very first on January 31, 1940.)

YES OR B.S.

• There are 11 people on the International Space Station right now. (B.S. 6.)

• The most-read newspaper in the U.S. is USA Today. (B.S. Wall Street Journal.)

• If you lived on Mars you’d get an extra half hour each day. (YES)

• The company which owns the patent and trademark for Bubble Wrap is the same company that makes Spam. (B.S.)

• John Wilkes Booth’s brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln. (YES)

• A snail can crawl over the edge of a razor without cutting itself. (YES)

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JOKE OF THE DAY

Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. And, “Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” she asks, “will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?” Thelma’s father thinks a bit and says, “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?” “Kim Jong-un,” she says. “Why Kim Jong-un,” her father asks in shock? “Well,” she says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Kim Jong-un a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Kim Jong-un, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.” Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. “Thelma, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.” “I know,” Thelma says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the U.S. Military could blow him to bits!”

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VIDEO OF THE DAY

Train conductor passes out on the job.

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IMAGE OF THE DAY

Peter’s looking for a job.

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